How now, Howton Farm's ...?

I happened upon Howton Farm's barbeque sauce in my favorite grocery store some 2 months ago. A Howton Farm's representative was personally placing product on the shelf, and I asked him 'bout his stuff. He told me that Howton Farm's is the "best barbeque sauce in the South." When I told him that he'd made a "mighty bold" statement, he gave me a free bottle.

As I was leaving the grocery store, Mr. Howton Farm's was standing beside his van. We struck up another conversation about barbeque sauce and he told me that Howton's has a hot-as-hell sauce that he didn't put on the shelf in the store in which we'd met. I said "Gimme one," and he got me a bottle out of his van. I paid him for the sauce and I headed home.

As soon as I got home, I got me some sammich-style chicken out of the frig and poured some of Howton's regular sauce on a slice. "This is good!" I said aloud to myself. I then uncorked the bottle of extra-hot sauce and gave it a try. If I had to pass judgement on it with one word and one word only, I'd just say "Wow" ... exclamation point.

Howton's extra-hot barbeque sauce is tomato and vinegar-based, and it packs a lot - and I mean a lot - of heat. I dumped it on a couple of pieces of chicken, and then I started eating it with a spoon. Yeah, it was that good!

I've grilled chicken with my Howton's sauce, and I've oven-cooked country ribs and pork chops (see pic above) that were just covered in the stuff. I'm not convinced that an old shoe wouldn't taste good if it had enough Howton's on it.

Look for Howton's the next time you're out a-shoppin' for foodstuffs. If your local grocer doesn't have it, go straight to the manager's desk and tell 'em you expect to be able to purchase it there soon.

Nathan's RULES!

Back in March, I talked about how much I enjoyed my dining experience(s) at Nathan's on Coney Island:

The first time I ever had a Nathan's hot dot was in 2001. I took the train from Manhattan to Brooklyn to see a Brooklyn Cyclones minor league baseball game. Before the baseball game started, I went over to the Nathan's stand and ordered two dogs, one with 'kraut and one with grilled onions. With each bite I became more excited. I told my traveling companion, "Those were the best ****in' hot dogs I've ever had in my life!"

When the game was over, I went back to Nathan's and ordered another dog, topped with just a little mustard. To say that I'd become a certified Fan O' Nathan's is indeed an understatement.

I've been back to NYC twice since my 2001 visit. During each visit I set aside time to go out to Brooklyn for hot dogs at Nathan's. Since that first visit, I also procured two black and white photos depicting happenings at Nathan's back in the day - in the 1940s, I think - and I hung 'em in my kitchen, where they're still hanging today.

There're a lot of hot dog stands in America, but there ain't a stand that serves a dog as good as the one you'll get at Nathan's in Brooklyn.

I ain't the only one who just ****in' loves a hot dog straight from Nathan's well-seasoned grill. The guys at Slashfood are fans, too. Check this out:

"I've mentioned NYC Dirty Water Dogs, but there is another big dog on the block in NYC, Nathan's Famous. First seen on the boardwalk in Coney Island at the amusement park in 1916, they later started a small chain of Nathan's with arcades and more types of food than you can shake a dog at. They make some mean pastrami and corned beef sandwiches, but it's the hot dogs that they are known for. Just ask the thousands who come out every 4th of July for the International Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Competition.

"A Nathan's was just a mile or three up the road on Central Ave in Yonkers, NY; where I spent my teen years. I visited them by bus after school a few times to play some pinball, but it was when I was 16 and got my driver's license and started borrowing my folks car, that I started chowing down on Nathan's dogs on a regular basis. These are griddled dogs, fat, crisp and browned outside, and juicy. They set my standard for what a dog should be. I finally came to realize that the best part is the Nathan's mustard. Over time it has become my favorite mustard of all. I try many, my fridge is full of literally dozens of jars, but the only one I buy time and again is Nathan's.

"My favorite way to have Nathan's dogs is to grab two and a small fries. The fries are fat, crinkle cut wedges that are crispy outside, fluffy inside, and the perfect complement to the dogs. At Nathan's you have a condiment bar stocked with mustard, ketchup, relish, and sauerkraut so you can help yourself and design your own dog. The sauerkraut is fresh, crunchy, tart n' tangy. I load down the dogs with mustard and kraut, fill a few small paper cups with ketchup and mustard for the fries, and dig in. First a huge bite of frank, then dip a fry first in the Nathan's spicy mustard, then a dip in the Heinz ketchup as well. A great flavor combo where they balance each other out magnificently, with a root beer to wash it all down."

πολύ νόστιμος!

Pastitsio was on the menu at Chez Allison this evening. Here's the recipe:

Pastitsio

Ingredients

Filling:
1 tablespoon butter
2 lbs. ground beef
1 medium onion, chopped
1 clove garlic
2 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1/4 cup chopped parsley
1/2 cup white wine
1 lb. can stewed tomatoes
2 tablespoons tomato paste

Sauce:
1/2 cup butter
3/4 cup flour
4 hot cups milk
Salt
Pepper
1 cup grated Kefalotiri cheese
2 whole eggs and 2 egg yolks

Pasta:
1 lb. Greek macaroni
1 tablespoon salt
2 tablespoons butter
1 cup grated Kefalotiri (or parmesan) cheese

Preparation

For the filling: Heat the butter in a large frying pan and saute the ground beef and onion until slightly browned. Add remaining ingredients and cook over a medium heat until heated through; allow to cool.

To make the sauce: Melt the butter in a heavy saucepan, add the flour and cook stirring constanly for 1 minute. Add the milk all at once, and stir until the sauce is smooth. Add salt and pepper to taste. Remove from heat and stir in the cheese, eggs and egg yolks.

Cook the macaroni in salted boiling water until soft but firm. Drain and return to the pan. Add the butter.

Butter a baking pan and put in half the macaroni. Sprinkle with cheese and cover with the meat filling. Top with remaining macaroni. Sprinkle with cheese and cover with the sauce. Sprinkle top with the rest of the cheese and cook in a moderate oven for about 45 minutes or until golden brown. Leave for 20 minutes then cut into square pieces and serve.

Gooooood s'ghetti!

A few weeks back, I told AMGE readers 'bout the Belmont Bi-Rite's spaghetti. I said:

The Belmont Bi-Rite's spaghetti won't impress an Italian too much; but it certainly will impress the hell out of anyone who grew up eating Southern-style spaghetti, like my Granny Ruby used to make.

Well, my ami Mr. Jimmy was kind enough to bring me another tub of Belmont Bi-Rite spaghetti for lunch yesterday. After cropdusting my lunch with some red pepper flakes, I dug right in. After marveling at the big hunks of meat in my spaghetti, I said to myself, "This tub o' Bi-Rite s'ghetti is even better than the tub I had once upon a time!"

One of these days, I'm gonna get my arse over to the Belmont Bi-Rite to try the other stuff they serve at their plate-lunch counter. I promise you that.

Belmont Bi-Rite
3116 Belmont Blvd
Nashville, TN 37212
615.292.0253

Wurst und sauerkrat ist gut!

Last night, I took a bit of a swipe at the George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machine. Lemme make my position clear on said Machine: I agree with Larry Holmes that it'll dry out a hamburger faster than B. Hussein Obama can change his position on any given issue; however, you can flat cook a juicy boneless, skinless chicken breast on it.

That said, I have another George Foreman cooker in which I regularly cook sausages and pork loins (see above pic). Said cooker is no longer being manufactured by Big George's, well, manufacturing concern. If you take my word on its quality and go lookin' for one, be prepared to give an eBay seller 50 or 60 bucks for a never-been-used specimen. (I don't think I paid more than $25 for mine at J.C. Penny in 2000.)

I didn't have no plans for dinner when I got home 'round 6 p.m. this evening. I put some Georgia Boy smoked sausages in my George Foreman cooker, and I put a can of Kühne sauerkraut on the stove. I've told AMGE readers about Georgia Boy's products before. Now let me tell you about Kühne 'kraut ...

I picked up a can of Kühne 'kraut at the Global Market in Nashville last August. (FYI: the Global Market specializes in foods from the U.K. and Europe). If memory serves me correctly, I used that first can to garnish hot dogs at a cookout in my backyard soon thereafter. I've been keepin' several cans of Kühne-brand 'kraut in my pantry ever since.

Now, you know you've gotten your hands on a can of quality sauerkraut when you see that wine is one of the ingredients. Such is the case with Kühne's 'kraut, which is packed in Riesling wine. Crunchy and tangy (winey?!), Kühne's perfectly accompanies a good hot dog, a hot sausage, or a quality hunk o' pork roast or pork tenderloin. It is good, good stuff indeed.

Beans, beans, good for your ...

I've had a bad last two days. Yesterday, I went to the doctor for a malady that required me taking some out-light-a-light medication; and today I had some problems with my automobile, and I didn't get home until after 6:30.

I thawed some ham meat last night and I soaked some pinto beans today. I had no choice but to cook 'em when I got home. I may have had to wait until 8:30 to eat tonight, but I enjoyed the hell out of this once it was ready:

Culinary quote of the day

"If you don't want your hamburgers to be greasy, you're crazy. ... I don't want no damn dried-up burger."

-- Former heavyweight champ Larry Holmes, on why he dislikes the George Foreman Grill

Amen, champ!

You say it's your birthday

Tomorrow is my Mom's birthday. My Dad's birthday was last Tuesday.

Several weeks ago I promised Mom and Dad that I'd make a big homemade dinner for their birthday(s), and tonight was the night for said dinner.

What'd mes parents want for dinner ce soir? Meatloaf, mashed taters, and macaroni and cheese ... my specialties!

Friends, I wish you'd been on hand to eat a hunk o' this:

Texas Pete is oh, so ... HOT!

I've always been a big fan of Texas Pete hot sauce. Imagine my surprise when I came across a new kind o' Texas Pete in my local Publix Super Market today ... Texas Pete Hotter Hot Sauce.


I didn't really have anything to put my new hot sauce on, so I just turned the bottle up and had a nip. Then I had another nip. And then another. Before I knew it, I'd consumed about one-third of the contents of said bottle of Texas Pete. (Anyone who knows me knows I ain't kiddin'.)

Texas Pete's Hotter Hot Sauce has the same cayenne "tang" of the regular stuff, but it will give a feller's tongue one hell of a kick. I can't wait to find out what it tastes like on a foodstuff of my choice!

Twern't a bad casserole

My mother cooked a casserole tonight from a recipe that she received from a neighbor. It didn't look like much, but boy was it good. (I just wish I'd had my camera with me to take a picture.)

The recipe card my mom received said "Fireman's Casserole." Neither she nor I could figure out what the casserole had to do with fire-fighting; so when I copied the recipe, I called it "beef and tater tot casserole." Check it out ...

Beef and Tater Tot Casserole

Ingredients

1 1/2 lbs ground beef
1 cup chopped white onions
1 egg
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 can RO*TEL® tomatoes
1 5.5-ounce can green peas
1 cup Italian bread crumbs
3-4 cups frozen tater tots
3 cups mild cheddar cheese
Fresh ground pepper

Directions

Preheat oven to 350.

Mix ground beef, egg, onions, soup, tomatoes, peas bread crumbs, and one cup of cheese in a large mixing bowl. Pour into a deep baking dish and top with black pepper to taste.

Evenly spread tater tots over mixture and cover with aluminum foil. Place in oven and bake 40-45 minutes.

Remove casserole from oven and remove foil. Cover with remaining cheese and place in for an additional 8-10 minutes, or until cheese is completely melted.

Let stand for 5 minutes before serving.

Beer does a body good

I stopped at a local convenience store on my way home today to get me something to chew. I was in line behind a feller who was buying a lot of beer -- two twelve-packs of Bud and a six-pack of Killian's -- and two mousy gals who were buying cigs and diet sodas. As soon as the beer-buying guy exited the store, Mousy Gal 1 told Mousy Gal 2 this (and this is a di-rect quote): "Beer is so bad for you. Why would anybody drink it?"

Well, Mousy Gal 1, this is why folks like, nay, should drink beer:

"There have been a lot of stories lately about the benefits of alcohol, usually wine. But the good news is that many of those great benefits can also be had by drinking the occasional beer. That little bottle of goodness can lower your risk of cardiovascular disease, raise your good cholesterol, and reduce your risk of developing high blood pressure. There are even benefits for the elderly -- with research showing that beer can have positive effects on blood flow, sleep, and urination.

"Beer is fat free, cholesterol free, and definitely what many people consider a lot of fun to drink. Just make sure you don't go overboard, or all those "benefits" are right out the window -- with nasty stuff like liver damage and a beer gut stepping in instead."

Sausage & Stuffing sounds pretty good to me

I get a lot of unsolicited recipes, most of which I discard immediately. Today, however, I got me a recipe from the Campbell Soup Company for a "skillet sausage and stuffing," er, dish. I like stuffing, and I like sweet sausage. I really like hot sausage. Puttin' 'em all together sounds like a good thing to me.

I'm gonna make up a batch o' this pretty soon (stay tuned and you'll here about it):

Campbell's Skillet Sausage & Stuffing

Ingredients

1 lb. sweet Italian pork sausage, cut into 1" pieces
1 lb. hot Italian pork sausage, cut into 1" pieces
1 1/4 cups water *
1 medium onion, cut into wedges
1 small green pepper, cut into 2" strips
4 cups Pepperidge Farm® Herb Seasoned Stuffing

Directions

Brown sausage in skillet, 3-5 minutes. Drain fat.

Add water, onion and pepper. Heat to a boil. Cover and cook over low heat until sausage is cooked through.

Add stuffing. Mix lightly. Cover and let stand 5 min.

*For moister stuffing, increase water to 1 1/2 cups.

Mon père ♥ bratwurst

Today is my Dad's birthday. Last week, my Mom suggested that we should all go out to dinner somewhere, but Pop balked at that idea (he don't like to get out much anymore). Over the weekend, I told him I would cook him something ... anything he wanted. He said okay to that suggestion.

I called my Mom from work today to ask what I needed to pick up on my way home for Pop's birthday dinner. I figured that she'd tell me that I would need to get the necessary stuff to make lasagna, or beef stew, or spaghetti and meat sauce, or meatloaf, or country ribs, or another one of my specialties. I figured wrong.

For his big birthday dinner tonight, Pop requested grilled bratwurst -- grilled Johnsonville bratwurst, of course. I had anticipated spending a couple of hours this afternoon/evening cooking, and all I had to do was throw some brats on my gas grill, fry some onions, and toast some deli rolls (my Mom made some coleslaw and bought a big-ass bag of Lay's tater chips). Ain't it great to have a Dad who's so easy to please?!

I put some grilled onions, yellow mustard, and Sandwich Pal horseradish sauce on my grilled-brat sammich. Oh, it was gooooood. Check it out:

Le taureau rouge n'est pas bon

The French government is looking for any excuse it can find to ban the sale of Red Bull. I say, "Good for them." I've had one Red Bull, and it made me want to wretch. How anyone can drink that crap is beyond me. I think the Frogs are on to something:

"In April this year, Austrian Energy drink producer Red Bull finally gained access to the French market. However, entry was subject to the removal of taurine from its drinks. Instead, Red Bull decided to use arginine.

"Prior to April, France’s food safety agency AFSSA did not authorise the sale of Red Bull’s products due to the lack of knowledge regarding the long term effects of taurine on the human body. However, France had to accept the product’s entry as no scientific evidence on its 'noxious effects' could be brought forward by the competent authorities.

"On Wednesday, France’s health minister Roselyne Bachelot informed the media that France is monitoring Red Bull beverages very closely and as soon as solid proof is provided, the state will ban sales of the energy drink."

In Red Bull's defense, I will say this: I think it's ironic that a nation which prides itself on the number of stinky, unpasteurized cheeses it produces is all head-up over an energy drink that's mostly caffeine.

Lovin' Loretta's chicken 'n' dumplins

One of my all time favorite meals is chicken and dumplins. And by dumplins I mean strip dumplins cooked in chicken broth (like my Granny Ruby used to make), not Bisquick biscuits cooked in cream of mushroom soup.

Earlier today, I was given a copy of Loretta Lynn's You're Cookin' It Country cookbook. I flipped through the book and landed on Loretta's recipe for chicken and dumplins. I told the gift-giver, "I can tell you what's gonna be on the menu at Chez Allison tonight: chicken and dumplins. 'Bout ten minutes later I headed out to my local grocery to pick up a big frying hen.

I was very pleased with how my chicken and dumplins turned out (even though I did forget to stir in the cream). I'm already lookin' forward to eating the leftovers tomorrow night!

Loretta Lynn's Chicken & Dumplins

Ingredients

1 large fat hen
3 garlic cloves, crushed
Salt and pepper

3 cups self-rising flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup water
1 egg, beaten
6 to 8 cups chicken broth
One-half cup cream

Directions

In a large pot simmer the hen with the garlic in water for two hours. Add additional water as needed.

Drain the hen, reserving the broth.

Cut into pieces and discard the bones.

For the dumplings, in a large bowl, sift together the flour and salt. Gradually add the water. Stir in the egg.

Knead the dough thoroughly and roll out onto a floured surface. Cut the dough into strips.

Bring the chicken broth to a boil and drop the dough into the boiling broth.
Cover and simmer for about 10 minutes.

Add the cream and chicken pieces and simmer for 5 to 10 minutes longer.

J'aime le porc!

I have a gas grill and I wouldn't take $1,000 for it. It don't take no time at all for it to heat up, and it can cook a burger or steak that will make you want to write home and/or slap your pappy.

Now, my grill ain't a Hank Hill-style gas grill, i.e., a propane grill; instead, it's hooked up to the local natural gas line. So it is - and always will be - a permanent fixture in my backyard.

I've been having some problems with my grill recently. It'll pre-heat just fine, but then it will go out completely. Since homey don't play around with gas line, homey gets real nervous when he has to keep re-lighting his grill.

I had a pork loin that either needed to be cooked or frozen, so I decided to throw it on the grill tonight. Of course, the grill went out. I decided to just throw the pork loin on the grill and see how cooked-through it would be after about, oh, 30 minutes.

I pre-heated my oven to 300 before I fetched my pork loin from the grill. I fully anticipated - nay, I expected - that it would need some extra cookin' before it could be served. How wrong I was.

There's been a lot of pork products to come off of my grill over the years. The pork loin I cooked tonight is one of the best things -- if not the best thing -- I've ever cooked in my backyard. Not only did it develop an incredible crust whilst slow-cooking for a half-hour, it had juice to spare after it'd rested for 10 minutes.

I bet you wish that you'd been at Chez Joltin' Django to get you some of this:

Go to Stroud's. You'll be glad you did

If I ever find myself in the Twilight Zone having to choose a single meat which I will have to eat for the rest of my life, I will choose pork -- specifically smoked pork shoulder, aka barbeque.  I would dare say that there are at least two dozen people currently walking this earth who've heard me say, "If I could eat BBQ every day, I would be the happiest SOB in history when I die," collectively, 'bout a million times.  And that ain't no exaggeration.
 
I get plum giddy whenever I see a new BBQ joint opening.  Right after Christmas last year , I spied a "Coming Soon: Stroud's Barbeque" sign on a little brick building just off I-24 in LaVergne.  I didn't know a damn thing about Stroud's when I spied the sign, but I said to myself when I seen it, "A non-Whitt's BBQ restaurant close to my home?  I will be eatin' there when it opens!" I did eat at Stroud's just after it opened in March, and, unfortunately, I wasn't real impressed.
 
One of the reasons that I hate the above-mentioned Whitt's is that it is too dry. I can't prove it, but I suspect that the reason the meat's dry is because too much fat is removed from the pork shoulders from whence it comes prior to being smoked. The very first time I swallowed a bite of 'que Stroud's, I thought, "This is just like Whitt's! No fat, and no juice!" And I vowed never to go back.

Well, so much for vows. I had to go to a wedding on Saturday, and the individuals with whom I attended said wedding - mes parents - simply insisted that we stop at Stroud's after the ceremony. My parents ordered up a pound of 'que, and I got me a pulled-pork sandwich. (I wasn't about to turn down free food when offered).

I didn't unwrap my sandwich until I got home ... 'bout two hours later. After I unwrapped it and put it on a plate, I lifted the bun and gave the meat a good stare. Not only was the meat glistening with juice, I could see little bits of smoked skin in it -- neither of which I noticed the first time I ate at Stroud's.


After I'd applied a good dose of Stroud's hot BBQ sauce to my sandwich, I grabbed it with my both hands and took a bite. This is what I said aloud, to no one in particular: "Man, this is some good barbeque!" And it was good, indeed. The meat was smoky and it was juicy and, by God, I wish I was eatin' some of it right now. I don't have the slightest clue as to what Stroud's did to improve the quality of their pork between my first and latest visit, but whatever they did ... I applaud them for it.

Next time you're craving some good 'que, go to Stroud's. You'll be glad you did.

Sloppy Joe ... Slop, Sloppy Joe

During a recent conversation with my ami Josh, I happened to mention that Sloppy Joe sandwiches were a once-a-week feature at the family dinner table when I was a kid.

I told Josh that I had not had a Sloppy Joe in years; and I also told him that I probably wouldn't be eating a Sloppy Joe in the near future 'cause ... this was my exact quote: "There's just something wrong with browning quality ground beef and sullying it with a can of sodium-sauce."

Well, it ain't gonna be too long before I have me a Sloppy Joe sandwich. I just got me a recipe for Sloppy Joes from my buddy Josh, which he says comes courtesy of his grandma. (He also says his grandma's Sloppy Joes are - his words - better than chocolate.)

It'll be this weekend, at the earliest, before I get a chance to try my bud's Sloppy Joe recipe. Rest assured, I'll give you a heads-up on this thang when I cook it:

Josh's Grandma's Sloppy Joes

Ingredients

1 pound ground beef
1 small white onion, diced
1 green bell pepper, diced
Salt and pepper (to taste)
1 can tomato sauce
1/2 cup ketchup
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
Hamburger buns, split and toasted

Directions

In a large skillet, brown meat over medium heat. Drain.

Return meat to skillet. Add onion and bell pepper. Season with salt and pepper. Cook, stirring frequently, until vegetables are softened, 3-4 minutes.

Stir tomato sauce, ketchup, and Worcestershire sauce into beef mixture in skillet. Lower heat and simmer until thickened, stirring occasionally, 8-10 minutes. Season with more salt and pepper, as desired.

Spoon onto buns and serve immediately.

I'm coo-coo for burgoo

One of the best dang restaurants on the entire planet is Moonlite Bar-B-Q in Owensboro, Kentucky. The specialty at Moonlite is burgoo stew. What's burgoo, you ask? I'll let the folks at Slashfood tell you 'bout it:

"Burgoo is a traditional Kentucky stew of multiple meats (at least three) and a bounty of veggies simmered down for hours until they break down to a uniform consistency. The standard sentiment is that if you can still make out an okra pod or slice of carrot, keep cooking 'cause it ain't burgoo yet -- but as the dish is usually made in such massive quantities (we're talking GALLONS), most regular utensils will just sink down into the mire. So - what's a burgoo chef to do? Well, many Kentucky restaurants rely on 2x4 studs, and folks at community cookouts and church festivals often use rakes to stir the stuff while perched above on chairs as they tend giant pots set over open wood fires. The flavor and texture are said to be reminiscent of mulligan stew, and my North Carolina born husband swears it's a kissing cousin to Brunswick stew, but the guests at our yearly Kentucky Derby soiree have taken to calling it 'The Liquid Meat.' That is, when their mouths aren't crammed full of the 'goo."

Read the rest here.

UPDATE: Tennessee Crossroads -- my very favorite in-production television program -- did a story on Moonlite Bar-B-Q a few months back. Check it out here.

An honest pint is getting harder to find

I will never forget the time - 'bout, oh, five years ago - when a buddy and I were in a hotel bar in Atlanta. We ordered two pints of Guinness. When it took us both about four swallows each to drink the things, we started examining our glasses. The glasses had half-inch thick bottoms, and the sides of each glass were pretty thick as well. We cursed the bar, paid for our two overpriced beers, and then went to a bar near Turner Field -- a bar that, much to our delight, served Guinness in traditional pint glasses.

I couldn't help but think about that trip to Atlanta when I read this in the Wall Street Journal:

"Some restaurants have replaced 16-ounce pint glasses with 14 ouncers -- a type of glassware one bartender called a 'falsie.' ...

"Two of the world's biggest glassware makers, Libbey and Cardinal International, say orders of smaller beer glasses have risen over the past year. Restaurateurs 'want more of a perceived value,' says Mike Schuster, Libbey's marketing manager for glassware in the U.S. Glasses with a thicker bottom or a thicker shaft help create the perception. 'You can increase the thickness of the bottom part but still retain the overall profile,' he says.

"Dedicated beer drinkers are fighting back, with extra vigilance about exactly how much beer they get for their buck. They are protesting 'cheater pints' and "profit pours" by outing alleged offenders on Web discussion boards and plugging bars that maintain 16-ounce pints, in hopes peer pressure will prevail. And they are spreading the word about how to spot the smaller glass (the bottom is thicker).

"Jason Alstrom, who founded the magazine BeerAdvocate last year, calls it the 'Less for More' phenomenon. 'It's happening everywhere,' he says. He is urging readers and users of his Web site, www.beeradvocate.com, to 'raise a fist and refuse to pay' when served a skimpy pint."

Read the entire article here.

There's giraffe-kabobs, giraffe creole, giraffe gumbo. There's pineapple giraffe, lemon giraffe ...

Considering that I've eaten some crazy crap over the years (raccoon, rattlesnake, alligator, calf's brains, boiled and fried chitlins, mountain oysters, etc.), I don't think I'd have any problem trying me some giraffe meat. Plus, I would not have to worry about offending יהוה whilst satisfying my giraffe tooth ...

"An Israeli rabbi has declared giraffe meat and milk to be kosher, although his pronouncement is unlikely to have observant Jews clamouring to consume the exotic products, a daily reported on Friday.

"'The giraffe has all the signs of a ritually pure animal, and the milk forms curds, which strengthened that view,' the mass-circulation Yediot Aharonot quoted Rabbi Shlomo Mahfoud as saying.

"The rabbi based his ruling on a recent finding by researchers from Bar Ilan University who took a milk sample while treating a giraffe at Ramat Gan safari park near Tel Aviv.

"They found that the milk forms curds as required under Jewish religious law, a finding confirmed by another research institute, the daily said.

"Giraffe meat is also considered ritually pure because the animal has a cloven hoof and chews the cud.

"'Indeed, the giraffe is kosher for eating,' said Mahfoud, who was present when the researchers made their finding."

Reckon what giraffe tastes like? Chicken ...?!

Con-dee-ments!

I can certainly relate to this story (I'm pretty sure my bon ami Mr. Jimmy can, too):

"I collect condiments the way other people collect rare books or unusual stamps. I'm always on the lookout for interesting mustards, regional mayonnaise (the trip out to Lancaster County a few weeks ago introduced me to Duke's), funky hot sauces or ethnic flavor enhancers (that bottle of Kecap Manis is an Indonesian condiment I fell in love with the summer I spent in that country. Dark, sticky and sweet, it has no relation to ketchup and is amazing with chicken and rice).

"The problem with my condiment collection is that I'm also something of a hoarder. The condiments come in, but rarely do they go out again. I dole them out, horrified at the idea of using the more exotic ones up, because what if I can't find them again?"

My kitchen is full of mustards and hot sauces that I've collected during my travels. I don't have anything from as far away as Indonesia, but I did pick up an incredible Mexican hot sauce in Belize a few years back from which I will not eat more than three drops at a time. Because, like Ms. McClellan asks: What if I can't ever find it again?

Oh, did you notice the shout-out to Duke's mayonnaise? I'm tellin' you ... it's the best damn mayo in the whole U.S. of A.

Now Heath this, A Man's Gotta Eat readers ...

Yours truly don't have sweet tooth. Except for the 2-3 Coca-Colas I drink each day, I rarely consume anything in which sugar is a major ingredient. If and when I do have a hankerin' for something sweet, however, I usually head to my local Dairy Queen for a Blizzard -- a Blizzard that's been mixed with a big bunch of bits from a Heath candy bar.

Now, when it's hot outside, there's nothing - and I mean nothing - that tastes better than a DQ Heath-bar Blizzard. It was hot as hell in Nashville today; and since I didn't eat lunch, I stopped at my local DQ for a large Blizzrd with hunks o' Heath. Oh, my, it was good!

All that said, I encourage any and all Blizzard fans to visit the Blizzard Fan Club Web site. If'n you're willing to enter your e-mail address and your date of birth on said Web site, you'll receive a coupon for a free small Blizzard 'bout a week before your birthday. Go on and do the thing ... you'll be glad you did.

My first Litheranian beer

I stopped at my local liquor store today to pick up some white wine for cookin' purposes. I passed the cooler in which high-alcohol beers are chilled, and I did a double-take when I spied bottles of Lobster Lovers Beer. I simply couldn't pass up a beer with such an intriguing name.

I'll be honest: I've never been a big fan of high-alcohol beers. (Not malt liquor-style high-alcohol beer, mind you. I'm talking about the kind of beers you can only purchase in a liquor store.) Every last one I've ever consumed has had a metallic aftertaste. Lobster Lovers is no different. It has a hop-heavy taste with hints of fruit (it is an ale, after all). The lingering taste on my tongue after each swallow, however, was like what I would expect if I licked the inside of an aluminum can.

Cool label ... and I enjoyed the novelty of drinking a beer from Lithuania. But I won't be drinking Lobster Lovers Beer again.

Eatin' a Junior Whopper in Shelb'ville

Long 'bout 11:45 this morning, ma mère -- who was hungry and needed to make use of a WC -- and I made a lunchtime pit-stop at the Burger King® in Shelbyville, Tennessee three-quarters of the way into our journey to Fayetteville, Tennessee (to see my Great Aunt Caroline and my Great Aunt Dorothy).

My mother had a chicken sandwich; I had a Whopper Junior. We split a large order of French fries. Here's my 'pinion 'bout the meal:

I'm not exaggerating when I tell you this: Prior to today, the last time I dined in/consumed food from a Burger King was Fall 1995 -- right before my Best Bud Bruce and I seen Drivin' 'N' Cryin' perform at 328 Performance Hall in Nashville.

Thirteen years since I last ate at Burger King ... and I have to say that I've been missin' out. Sure, the burger patty I ate was on the thin side, but it tasted like something that'd come off a backyard - charcoal - grill. The fries weren't bad, either. Indeed, they were every bit as crisp on the outside, and tender on the inside, as McDonald's much-ballyhooed fast food fries.

I don't eat fast food hamburgers very often. I can tell you this, however, with a great deal of certainty: it ain't gonna be another 13 years before I dine at a Burger King restaurant again. Fo' sho'.

Lemme tell you 'bout my lunch

Last night, my bon ami and colleague Mr. Jimmy sent me an e-mail to tell me that he would be providing lunch today. Mr. Jimmy, as always, was true to his word. He brought me a tub of spaghetti, from the Belmont Bi-Rite, and it was goooooood eatin'. Check it out:


The Belmont Bi-Rite's spaghetti won't impress an Italian too much; but it certainly will impress the hell out of anyone who grew up eating Southern-style spaghetti, like my sainted grandmother used to make.

My Granny Ruby's spaghetti recipe went something like this: she'd start with spaghetti noodles that'd been cooked way past the al dente stage; she'd throw in some browned ground beef and a small can of tomato sauce; and then she'd add a lot of black pepper and a little sugar. That don't sound like much, I know, but it was sure one of my favorite things to eat during the long summers I spent at my grandparents' country home when I was a kid.

The spaghetti Mr. Jimmy brought me today tasted a lot like my granny's spaghetti. I now know why he's always telling me that I need to get my ass over to the Belmont Bi-Rite to partake of their plate-lunch cuisine: it's food like my granny - and probably your granny, if you grew up in the South - used to make. Good stuff, indeed.

Belmont Bi-Rite
3116 Belmont Blvd
Nashville, TN 37212
615.292.0253

Re: Cabbage soup

AMGE reader Glenn did not like my cabbage soup recipe. He said this is how cabbage soup is s'posed to be made:
 
Ingredients

1 lb pork loin, cut into small pieces
1 tbsp butter
1 can condensed beef broth
1 can condensed tomato soup
2 soup cans water
4 cups shredded cabbage
1/2 cup chopped onion
2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp paprika
1 bay leaf
1 tbsp sherry (optional)
Sour cream
Salt and pepper

Directions

Brown pork in butter. Add remaining ingredients, except sour cream. Cook over low heat, covered, 30 minutes, stir often. Serve with spoonfuls of sour cream. Makes 6 servings.

I won't vouch for the above recipe 'cause, well, I ain't never gonna cook it. Any feller who slices a pork loin and puts the cut-up portions in a stew don't have no ****in' sense, indeed.

Sherry and sour cream in cabbage soup ... yeah, right!

Hydrox cookies'll soon be back, baby!

I was quite chagrined when Kellogg's stopped producing Hydrox cookies a few years ago. I ain't never in my life had much of a sweet tooth; thus, Hydrox's less-sweet-than-Oreos taste was something that I could - and did - enjoy.

I can't tell you how happy I was when I picked up today's Wall Street Journal and learned that Hydrox cookies will soon be back on the market:

"Bowing to more than 1,300 phone inquiries, an online petition with more than 1,000 signatures and Internet chat sites lamenting the demise of the snack, Kellogg Co. has decided to temporarily relaunch Hydrox, the left-for-dead cookie.

"Kellogg quietly killed off Hydrox in 2003, ceding victory to its longtime rival, Oreo, made by Kraft Foods Inc.'s Nabisco unit. Many Hydrox eaters initially thought their cookie had just become more difficult to find, learning only much later that the cookie had been discontinued. The online mourning and efforts to bring it back were the subject of a page-one article in January in The Wall Street Journal. ...

"A Web site that recently listed the top 25 things people miss ranked Hydrox at No. 4, just behind in-store lunch counters and ahead of Howard Johnson restaurants and the popcorn snack 'Screaming Yellow Zonkers.'"

Fry 'em, mash 'em, or put 'em in a stew ... I do like potatoes!

According to an article in USA Today, Chilean Agriculture Minister Marigen Hornkohl is quoted as stating that 99 percent of the world's potatoes derive from tubers native to Chile.

The head of Peru's National Institute for Agricultural Innovation, Juan Risi, begs to differ. He says Chile's potatoes are mere "grandchildren" of Peru's spuds:

"Peruvian potatoes that originated near lake Titicaca are the true potatoes, and their children spread throughout the Andes."

You know, I could really care less whether potatoes originated in Peru or Chile. They could've come from Mars as far as I'm concerned. Fry 'em, mash 'em, or put 'em in a stew ... I do like to eat the little brown - or red - buggers.

That said, the gov'ment of Peru claims that there are some 3000 varieties of potatoes available in country. If that's true, a Peruvian feller - or a Peru-visitin' feller - could cook and eat a different type of potato every day for over eight years.

A different potato each day, year afer year afer year after year after year after year after year after year? Yeah, I think I could do that ...!

I ♥ cabbage soup

Inspired by my recent visit to Tatry Polish Restaurant, I cooked up a pot of cabbage soup this evening. Here's how I did it ...

Joltin' Django's Cabbage Soup

Ingredients

8 slices lean bacon, cut into 1/2-inch pieces
1 cabbage, cored and roughly chopped
1 large white onion, large-diced
5 carrots, pealed and diced
3 potatoes, pealed and large-cubed
1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon dried thyme
2 tablespoons salt
2 tablespoons black pepper
1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes

Directions

Brown bacon over medium heat in a Dutch oven, 6-8 minutes
Add onions and cook until clear
Add cabbage, carrots, and potatoes; stir well and just cover with cold water
Throw in paprika, thyme, salt and pepper
Cover and bring to a boil
Reduce heat to simmer-low and cook for 2 hours

My pot o' cabbage soup was pretty good. Not quite Tatry-good, but pretty damn good nonetheless.

Tatry jest wielkim restauracją

It don't occur very often, but every once in a while I visit a restaurant and I'm completely blown away. Such happened when I consumed a meal at Tatry Polish Restaurant in Hartford, Connecticut. Let me tell you about it ...

Tatry is in an old house in a thoroughly middle class neighborhood, 'bout four or five miles from Bradley International Airport. It don't look like much from the outside ... but what is it they say about looks being deceiving?

The first thing my companions and I noticed upon settling into a booth was a sign that said all meals are made from scratch. The sign also warned that it can take up to two hours for patrons to get their meal, depending upon what they order. When we placed our order, the waiter/bartender told us that we may have to wait a bit for our meals, because "there's only one stove." I think we all were having visions of a matronly Polish woman busily stirring the contents of boiling pots in a cramped kitchen.

The first thing to arrive at our table were steaming bowls of cabbage soup. Thick and well-seasoned, with large chunks of carrots and onions, this, dear readers, was the best cabbage soup I've ever eaten:


I really wish I'd taken a picture of that bowl after I'd finished eating. I used the bread you see in the above picture to sop up the remaining soup that was clinging to the sides of the bowl. When I was done, the bowl was clean - and I mean clean - as a whistle. (If that ain't a testament to the the quality of Tatry's cabbage soup, I don't know what is.)

As much as I enjoyed my cabbage soup, I really enjoyed the homemade sauerkraut that accompanied my kielbasa dinner. Consisting of firm strips of cabbage with a peppery tanginess, Tatry's sauerkraut was so good that I could have eaten it alone and walked away from the table a happy feller.

I didn't just eat sauerkraut, however. I also had a juicy kielbasa link and an entire boiled potato, which'd been sprinkled with hot paprika. To wit:


When my friends and I left Tatry, I was absolutely stuffed. It wasn't a "Why did I eat so much?" stuffed, though. It was the kind of stuffed that made it easy for me to fall asleep that night -- with visions of cooked cabbage dancing in my head.

If I ever find myself in Hartford, Connecticut again, you can bet your bottom złoty that I'll be making a return visit.

Tatry Polish Restaurant
735 Wethersfield Avenue, # 1
Hartford, CT 06114

A Connecticut-visiting Joltin' Django in Ted's Restaurant

Yours truly was in Connecticut this past week on b'iness. Here's eating adventure number one:

'Bout two weeks before I left for the Constitution State (or is it the Nutmeg State?), I watched a show on the Travel Channel in which Ted's Restaurant, aka Ted's Steamed Cheeseburgers, was prominently featured. I'd never heard-tell of steamed cheeseburgers prior to seeing Ted's on the T.V. I was quite curious ... especially since I knew that I'd soon be heading to Connecticut. "If'n I can," I said to myself, "I'm gonna go to Ted's for a steamed cheeseburger."

Imagine my surprise when I learned that I'd be staying in the same town - Meriden - in which Ted's is located! "If'n I can, I'm goin'" quickly became "Hot damn, I AM goin'!"

It didn't take me long to talk my two travelin' companions - happy carnivores, both - into joining me for a late supper at Ted's our first night in Connecticut. After finding the directions on the Internet, we left out.

The first thing my buds and I marveled at upon entering Ted's was the fact that it ain't very big: there's a 5-seat counter, three booths, a small cooking area, bathrooms, and that's it. The second thing we marveled at was Ted's short menu: steamed burgers, steamed hot dogs, chips, home fries, and drinks.

We grabbed a booth, gave the menu another once-over, and then proceeded to order the same exact thing -- steamed cheeseburger with the works (onions, lettuce, tomato, mayo, relish), home fries, and a soft drink. My bud Chris ordered first, so he got his first ...


At this point I guess I should say a little something about how Ted's steams their cheeseburgers. There's a little box in the cooking area that holds 8-10 burgers. Fresh ground beef is evenly spread in little trays, and the trays are placed in the box. When a burger is finished, the grease is poured off and a big ol' chunk of white cheddar is placed in the tray. A minute passes and the softened cheese is scraped onto the burger.

I really wanted to be blown away after chomping into Ted's steamed cheeseburger. Unfortunately, that just didn't happen. Was it good? Yes. Was it great? Well, not really. The bun on which my burger was placed, and the hunk of soft cheese that adorned it, were outstanding. The meat, however, was a bit dry. Indeed, I don't know how a quarter-pound of ground beef could be steamed and not be dry.

Perhaps if Ted's meat was seasoned a bit (I know it wasn't 'cause I watched the cook put meat into trays and steam it), the lack of juice wouldn't be quite so noticeable. But who am I to tell a restaurant that's been serving burgers for almost fifty years - not to mention being profiled on national television - how to do its business? They're obviously doing something right.

Ted's Restaurant
1046 Broad Street
Meriden, CT 06450

Update: Sorry, but I failed to tell loyal AMGE readers 'bout Ted's home fries. Crispy on the outside, and soft on the inside, Ted's home fries were pretty good. Good, not great ... just like the burgers.

Travelin' man

Joltin' Django's gonna be out of town for a couple of days. Hopefully, I'll have some highjinks to tell you 'bout when I get back.

Cheers!

"[A] little casserole I came up with a few years back ..."

My ami Mr. Jimmy and I were recently having a conversation about hot sauces. He confessed that he's grown quite fond of Trappey's Bull Louisiana Hot Sauce. I told Mr. Jimmy that I really like Trappey's, too -- especially on a little casserole I came up with a few years back.

This recipe ain't fancy, and it certainly is not the healthiest thing you can eat. It does taste pretty damn good, though. So you just go on and enjoy it every now and again when you want a meal with lots o' beef and lots o' cheese.

Joltin' Django's Beef 'N' Noodle Casserole

Ingredients

1 1/2 lbs ground beef
1/2 cup chopped white onion
1 14.5-ounce can stewed tomatoes
2-3 tbsp Cavender's Greek Seasoning
1 box Kraft Macaroni and Cheese
2 cups shredded mild cheddar cheese

Directions

Preheat oven to 350
Cook mac-and-cheese according to directions
Brown ground beef in a skillet over medium heat; drain and return to pan
Add onions and cook until softened
Add stewed tomatoes and Greek seasoning to ground beef, stir well
Layer beef, mac-and-cheese, beef, mac-and-cheese, and beef in a square baking dish
Cover with shredded cheese and bake until bubbly, 20-25 minutes

Serve with peas or green beans ... and lots of hot sauce

$100 Cheesesteak ... WTF?!

Whenever I see a story in which a high-dollar chef is name-checked 'cause he or she's put a haute cuisine spin on an American classic, I just wanna puke. You know - gulpin' hard here - a story like this:

"Sliced, sizzled and slathered with cheese ... the famous Philly cheesesteak serves as an iconic representation of [Philadelphia] and now, an expensive luxury.

"That's because Chef James Locascio, of Rittenhouse Square's Barclay Prime, created ... an upscale version of the sandwich that includes butter poached lobster and shaved truffles.

"'It's every ingredient you want to try in a life time in one,' said Locascio.

"Still, that kind of lavishness doesn't come cheap. For one cheesesteak, expect to pay $100. That is nearly 15 times more than the original."

A Philly cheesesteak ... with lobster ... and truffles? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!

I've long said that if I ever get a chance to go to Philadelphia, a cheesesteak sammich will be the first thing I'll eat when I get there. Needless to say, I won't be goin' to Barclay Prime to get one. Indeed, I'll save myself $90 by goin' to Pat's; or I'll splurge and eat at Pat's and Geno's. Only the angels know what I'll do with my remaining 80 bucks!

Pizza you (from time to time) can't refuse

When I was in junior high, a few of my closest friends and I would often get one of our parents to drop us off at a local mall whenever we had a half-day of school. Each and every time we did so we'd eat at the Godfather's Pizza near the mall.

I was in 4th grade when the local Godfather's opened. When the kid who lived next door went there right after it opened, he told me, "It's like Pizza Hut's pan pizza with more meat and cheese on it." Godfather's pies were like Pizza Hut's pan pizzas with two major exceptions: Godfather's crust was less greasy and didn't taste mass-produced, and the quality of Godfather's cheese and ingredients was far superior to Pizza Hut's.

From the time it opened until it closed (the summer after I graduated from high school), I absolutely loved going to "my" Godfather's for pizza. (I also liked going 'cause there was a Galaga machine near the kitchen.) I'll tell you how much I liked it:

When I had chicken pox (I was 12), I didn't eat anything for about 5 days. My mom eventually told me that I had to eat something, even if she had to drive five miles to get it. When I finally consented to eat something, what'd I say I wanted? Godfather's, of course!

Like I said, the neighborhood Godfather's closed when I was 17. It didn't take long before every Godfather's in Nashville had closed. With each passing year, I gave up more hope of ever eating there again.

A few days ago, a buddy told me that a Godfather's had opened not too far from his house (and only about 3 miles from my office). I told my bud, "I will be going there when I leave work Friday." I didn't lie. As I was leaving the parking lot this afternoon, I placed an order for a large with pepperoni, sausage, onions, mushrooms and black olives. I couldn't wait to pick it up.

I had so much excited expectation built up before I went to Godfather's that there was no way that it could taste as good as I remembered. The pizza I had (see above pic) was pretty good - the toppings were plentiful, and it had the thick layer of browned cheese that I remembered - but Godfather's signature deep-dish crust has been replaced with a standard "fast food" pizza crust. A real disappointment, indeed. You know, a quality crust is the foundation - literally - of a good pizza. If that's even slightly f'd up, the quality of the whole pizza suffers.

Godfather's "new" pizza is just good enough to make me go back -- every now and again. It sure as hell isn't going to replace Picnic Pizza on Joltin' Django's list of Best Pizza Joints.

Godfather's Pizza
6029 Nolensville Road
Nashville, TN 37211
615.831.9233

Beans, beans, good for your ...

I told my amis Mr. Jimmy and Victoria that I was going to make a pot 'o beans tonight, and that's what I flat did ...


I had a hambone in my freezer that needed to be thawed and eaten, so I started thawing the thing 'bout 7 o'clock last night. (Hambone. I have a cat named "Hambone." Tee hee!)

Before I left for work this morning, I put a pound of dried mixed beans in a pot with about a quart and a half of water. When I got home, I drained the beans and put 'em back in my pot with fresh water. I then threw in my hambone, added some salt and pepper, and let the whole shebang simmer for about 2 hours.

When you're eating beans, you gotta throw in some chopped onions and chow chow ... you just gotta. And you gotta have cornbread. (One of these days, I will show loyal A Man's Gotta Eat readers how to make a skillet of fine-tasting cornbread. Stay tuned.)

You sometimes hear folks say that pork meat-infused beans and cornbread is "peasant food." Sorry, but I disagree with that assertion. Indeed, when I'm eating a pot of beans, I think of myself as eating like a king. So there.

Race dat cheese!

Every heard of cheese racing? The guys at Slash Food tell us 'bout it:

"This is a practice in while [sic] people (mostly like while they are under the influence of alcohol) toss the still-wrapped slices onto a grill, in order to see who's slice will puff up the fastest. Apparently the plastic doesn't melt or burst and the cheese gives off inflating gas. Who knew!"

Here's a pic:


I certainly hope that the idiots who engage in cheese racing have the good sense to scrape the melted cheese onto a hamburger or something.

Now, I don't share the Slash Food disdain for individually-wrapped slices of cheese. Indeed, three or four slices of Kraft American cheese melted between two slices of toasted bread tastes pretty damn good to me. As Hank Hill once said, "No one makes cheese like the Americans."

Sweet 'n' Spicy

I had a big lunch today. So when it came time to think about eatin' dinner ce soir, I decided to make me some rice and just drown it in Tabasco's "Sweet & Spicy" sauce.

I had positive things to say 'bout Tabasco's newest style o' sauce last August, and this is what I said:

TABASCO® has a new Asian-influenced sauce: Tabasco Sweet & Spicy. For months I've been looking for this sauce in local grocery stores, and I finally found it today at my neighborhood Publix Super Market. (Somehow I knew Publix would be the first store to stock the new Tabasco sauce. They're good that way.)

While plain ol' Tabasco will always be my favorite "condiment" from the Tabasco family of sauces, Sweet & Spicy is a darn good thang to pour over one's food.

Sweet & Spicy is not as hot as other Tabasco sauces. It has a slightly sweet taste with just enough heat to tickle the back of a person's tongue. The only drawback with Sweet & Spicy is this: It is very thick. Folks who like to carpet bomb their food with hot sauce, like moi, will find it very difficult to do so with Sweet & Spicy Tabasco.

Tabasco's Web site says Sweet & Spicy "is perfect for dipping ... everything from egg rolls to chicken tenders to French fries!" True enough, but I would add white rice, stir-fried vegetables, and grilled chicken to the mix.

If you're a hot sauce fan, you'll be doing yourself a big favor when you add a bottle of Tabasco Hot & Spicy to your hot sauce repertoire.

If you like sweet and/or spicy foodstuffs, you will love Tabasco Sweet & Spicy. I guarantee it ...

"They who drink beer will think beer."

Inspired by my "Beer Myths" post, JG sends this list of beer words o' wisdom:

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
-- Frank Zappa

He was a wise man who invented beer.
-- Plato

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-- Benjamin Franklin

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
-- Dave Barry

People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.
-- Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Wilhelm II

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
--Homer Simpson

They who drink beer will think beer.
--Washington Irving

Tuck Fofu

I was standing in line at my local Publix today when I overheard a feller - and I use the term "feller" loosely - tell his shopping companion that he "absolutely love[s]" tofu. "Good God," I said to myself.

Tofu has the consistency of a sponge and it tastes like ... well, it tastes like a ****in' sponge, if it has any taste as all. How anyone can "love" tofu is absolutely beyond me.

Men who gotta eat who also eat tofu might should know that eating that crap may make you less of a man. To wit:

"Men who eat just half a serving of soya a day have drastically fewer sperm than those who do not consume such foods, according to a small, preliminary study. ...

"Soya foods contain high amounts of isoflavones, compounds that mimic the effects of estrogen in the body. For this reason, women sometimes increase their intake of soya foods to treat hot flushes caused by declining estrogen levels in menopause.

"Estrogen-like compounds can also have a dramatic impact on the male body. And previous rodent studies have suggested that high intake of soya products can reduce male fertility. This has led scientists to wonder how isoflavones might influence men's reproductive function, which is highly sensitive to hormones.

"Jorge Chavarro at the Harvard School of Public Health in Boston, Massachusetts, US, and his colleagues identified 100 couples seeking treatment for infertility. Researchers asked the men to provide semen samples and complete a questionnaire about their intake of 15 soya-based foods such as miso soup, 'power bars,' and tofu over the preceding three months.

"An analysis of the data, which controlled for factors such as age and weight, revealed that those men who consumed half a serving of soya-based food each day -- about the equivalent of half a soya burger -- had 65 million sperm per millilitre on average.

"That is about 40 percent less than the typical sperm count of men who do not eat such foods -- normally between 80 million to 120 million sperm per millilitre. Men with counts lower than 20 million sperm per millilitre are generally considered infertile."

Read the rest here.

Tain't no cheese like pimiento cheese

When I was a kid, I would spend a good portion of each summer with my grandparents down in the country (Lincoln County, Tennessee, to be exact). My grandmother always - and I mean always - had a big tub of pimiento cheese in the frig; and every other day I'd eat a pimiento cheese sandwich for lunch with potatoes or beans left over from the previous night's supper. Now let me tell you something: There ain't nothing on earth better on a hot summer day than cool pimiento cheese between two slices of white bread.

A couple of years ago, 2005 I think, I went to Louisville, Kentucky to visit some friends. On the way up there, I stopped at a small grocery store to buy some thing (probably chewing tobacco). I spied a big-ass container of Knott's Jalapeño Pimiento Cheese in a small cooler and I just had to have it.


That Knott's pimento cheese was some of the best pimiento cheese I'd ever had. Sadly, I have not been able to find a single Knott's product in any grocery store or market in the Nashville area. That's not to say that Knott's stuff ain't out there somewhere; I just ain't been able to find it.

I mention all this because a loyal A Man's Gotta Eat reader sent me to a link to a story about pimiento cheese from NPR's Web site. Said story not only includes a recipe for pimiento cheese, it suggests using Duke's mayonnaise to make the stuff. Check it out here.

Chicken and jalapeños (you gotta like the sound of that)

Mr. Jimmy and I had a brief discussion about BBQ sauce today. I told him I was going to post a recipe for one of my favorite quick-and-easy meals. Well, here 'tis:

Joltin' Django's Chicken and Jalapeños

Ingredients

6-8 chicken tenders (or boneless/skinless chicken breasts cut into strips)
2-3 cups quality BBQ sauce (I prefer Stubb's for this dish)
1 cup jalapeños (Trappey's or Mrs. Renfro's)

Directions

Preheat oven to 350
Line a shallow baking dish with aluminum foil
Place chicken tenders in dish and cover with BBQ sauce and jalapeños
Tightly cover dish with aluminum foil
Cook for 45-50 minutes
Remove dish from oven and let rest for 10 minutes before removing foil

Make sure you have some good rolls, or a crusty bread, to eat along with this dish. You'll need something so sop up all that spicy BBQ sauce.

There's the "best" ... and then there's Joltin' Django's BEST

The folks at Consumer Reports (CR) recently released a list of "best" foodstuffs. He're my thoughts on a few of 'em:

Best Barbecue Sauce

According to CR, KC Masterpiece Original is the best BBQ sauce in the land. ("It's versatile, with sweet molasses flavor, some heat, and just enough smoke to make you think grilled," they say.) According to Joltin' Django, KC Masterpiece ain't no good. It's too sweet and it tastes like mass-produced crap in a bottle.

If you want a peppery sauce with an equal balance of tomato and vinegar, try Stubb's. If you want a tangy sauce with just a hint - just a hint - of sweetness, try Sauer's. If you want to splurge on something that will make your kitchen smell like beer when it's cooking, try Budweiser's sauce. These are the only BBQ sauces you'll find in Joltin' Django's kitchen.

Best Hot Dogs

I'll give credit where credit is due and state for the record that CR has picked some damn fine hot dogs for its "best of the bunch" list. Here they are (in no particular order):

Hebrew National Kosher Beef
Nathan's Famous Skinless Beef
Boar's Head Skinless Beef
Hebrew National Kosher Reduced Fat Beef
Boar's Head Lite Skinless Beef
Sabrett Skinless Beef

I like Hebrew National's hot dogs. I like Boar's Head's hot dogs. I like Sabrett's hot dogs. But I freakin' love Nathan's hot dogs (and I've said as much on this Web site). The best Nathan's hot dogs are either kosher or have casings. Period. (Sorry CR).

Best Salsas

I'm not even going to mention CR's picks for best salsa. Most of 'em are pricey salsas that you'll have to order online ... and that says something right there.

As far as I'm concerned, there's only one store-bought salsa that's worth anyone's hard-earned money. That salsa is Herdez-brand salsa. Herdez has just five ingredients: tomatoes, onions, cilantro, serrano peppers and salt. When you're eating it, you'll just swear that it was put together by a Mexican grandma in a big kitchen somewhere. (Come to think of it, it probably was!)

Top beer myths busted (and I mean BUSTED)

I like beer
It makes me a jolly good fellow

-- Tom T. Hall, "I Like Beer"

A young lady who uses the handle "Greysanatomy" has posted an article at Hubpages.com in which she debunks some of the biggest beer myths. Below you'll find a few that I find interesting. Go here to see the rest (and to see a picture of Ms. Greysanatomy ... wow!).

Beat the Beer Belly with Light Beer

OK, light beers have maybe 90-100 calories, regular beers generally have less than 200 calories. A beer lover would say the difference is comparable to the difference between McDonalds and a 5 star restaurant. A dietician would tell you the difference is negligible. So unless you are drinking 300 beers a week, I would drink the good stuff.

Beer shouldn't be Bitter

The bitterness of a beer comes from the hops. Hops are in all beers to balance the sweet malts and to act as a preservative. Some beers have a lot of hops, like India Pale Ales (IPAs) and some beers have less hops, like Wheat Beers. Hops can give a beer complexity and add all sorts of flavors and aromas, like pine, citrus, and earthiness. Hops are why people say beer is an acquired taste, but they also make beer delicious.

The best beers are in green bottles

As it turns out, brown bottles protect the beer from the light much better than green bottles or clear bottles. This myth comes from when there was a shortage of brown glass in Europe after WWII. The European beers were bottled in green instead, so green bottles came to represent imports. This certainly isn't the case anymore.

'Tis a sad day

'Tis a sad day for ol' Joltin' Django. One of my favorite restaurants has closed.

I went to El Inca Peruvian Restaurant 'bout noon today only to find the place empty. Upon seeing the "for lease" sign in the window, I said ... well, I don't think I'll tell you what I said. Just know that there is probably a rather large blue cloud still floating over the Priest Lake area.

El Inca was mentioned on the very first A Man's Gotta Eat post -- on a list of my all-time favorite restaurants in Nashville and Middle Tennessee. Leave aside the fact that it was the only Peruvian restaurant in Nashville, it served up some damn fine-tasting food. This is what I said last October:

As far as I know, El Inca is the only Peruvian restaurant in Nashville. Peruvian cuisine is quite unlike the cuisine you find in Mexican or Central American restaurants. That is, no dishes come slathered in chili sauce and/or cheese, and no plates are served which feature a pile of dog food-esque refried beans.

My favorite item on El Inca's menu is lomo saltado: strips of juicy beef, grilled onions, tomatoes and fresh cilantro, served on a bed of rice. (The same dish is also available with chicken -- saltado de pollo.)

As much as I like the food at El Inca, what really makes me keep going back is the "green sauce" they place on each table as a condiment. It consists of olive oil, celery, cilantro, boiled potatoes, and imported Peruvian peppers.

I am going to miss El Inca's green sauce. One regret I have is that I never got around to asking for the complete recipe. As many times as I patronized El Inca, often with friend and family in tow, I'm pretty sure they would've given it to me.

Restaurants come and go, I know; however, it's always a sad day when a truly great restaurant closes. El Inca will be missed ...

Julep-drinkin' days are here again

In case you didn't know, the 134th Kentucky Derby will take place tomorrow. What's horse racing gotta do with eatin' or drinkin'? Well ...

One time I've been to the Kentucky Derby. It was 1998, and I went as a guest of a married couple who'd somehow procured tickets. I got dressed in my best suit (charcoal gray); I snapped my best suspenders into my trousers; and we drove off for Louisville.

My friends and I didn't watch that race in an area populated by fellow well-dressed souls; we were in a kind of "general admission" area with a bunch of rednecky fools. I watched the race -- Real Quiet was the winner -- and I guess I had a pretty good time. When I left Churchill Downs, however, I swore I'd never go back until I could get me a seat somewhere near the Twin Spires. (I ain't been back.)

One of the few pleasant aspects of my one and only trip to the Kentucky Derby was the drinkin' I was able to do there. I'd never had a mint julep prior to my Derby visit, and I ain't had many since. That said, the four or five mint juleps I downed on the grounds of Churchill Downs (say that five times in quick succession) were some of the finest mixed drinks I've ever filtered through my liver.

Now, I didn't know it, but there's actually an official Kentucky Derby recipe for the Mint Julep. It's called the Early Times Mint Julep, because, well, it uses Early Times Kentucky Whiskey. Here 'tis:

Early Times Mint Julep

Ingredients

2 cups sugar
2 cups water
Sprigs of fresh mint
Crushed ice
Early Times Kentucky Whisky
Silver Julep Cups

Directions

Make a simple syrup by boiling sugar and water together for five minutes. Cool and place in a covered container with six or eight sprigs of fresh mint, then refrigerate overnight.

Make one julep at a time by filling a julep cup with crushed ice, adding one tablespoon mint syrup and two ounces of Early Times Kentucky Whisky.

Stir rapidly with a spoon to frost the outside of the cup. Garnish with a sprig of fresh mint.

(Now, if you don't have julep cups at home, use something else. I'll be using highball glasses tomorrow.)