Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Even more Mayberry

As promised, here's my lastest Mayberry's Finest review ...

There ain't no other way to say it ... I #@%&in' love turnip greens!

My Granny Ruby could make a mean - and I mean mean - pot o' turnip greens. She'd clean 6-8 big bunches of greens; she'd put 'em in a pot with some ham meat, salt, pepper and a little sugar; and she'd let 'em cook for 2 or 3 hours. Once the greens were done, the pot would be placed on a table alongside a bottle of homemade peppers and white vinegar, even though her greens were so good they didn't need to be soaked in vinegar.

That said, I've spent the past, oh, five or six years telling folks that Glory Foods produces the best canned turnip greens. "Glory greens are well-seasoned and taste homemade," I said. They are, and I still love 'em, but I've found something better.

I didn't have anything planned for dinner tonight, so I heated me a can of Mayberry's Finest turnip greens and baked a skillet of cornbread ...

Man, oh, man ... lemme tell you something: I will never, ever tell nobody that Glory Foods serves the best canned greens.

Mayberry's Finest turnip greens are not only well-seasoned (with hints of smoked ham and pepper), they're crisp to the point that a feller who didn't know he was eating canned greens would swear that he was eating fresh-cooked greens. Yeah, they're that good. Furthermore, I ate an entire bowl of Mayberry's greens sans vinegar. That in and of itself is saying something: prior to tonight, I'd not eaten an entire bowl of turnip greens without seasoning them with vinegar since I last ate a bowl of my Granny Ruby's greens ... 'bout ten years ago.

If you like turnip greens, pick up a can of Mayberry's Finest turnip greens. You'll be glad you did. I gar-un-damn-tee it.

NOTE: As I mentioned before, each Mayberry's Finest Product features a "Mayberry morel" 'bout a particular episode of The Andy Griffith Show. Cans of MF's turnip greens feature a short synopsis of the "Dogs, Dogs, Dogs" episode, as well as this:

In what has become affectionately known as the "giraffe speech," Barney tries to explain to Opie how the dogs will be safer in a storm than giraffes would be. He's probably right, but he's not able to convice even himself.

If you're a TAGS fan, you're well aware that few scenes in the history of television are as well-written, and funny, as Barney Fife's "giraffe speech."



Brian Stanley said...

I will never understand how Southerners can eat "greens". Even with bacon greese they are still just weeds.

Mister Jimmy said...

Boy giraffes are selfish!