Bright lights. City lights. I'm talkin' 'bout a Yankee, er, sauce

Friends who're around me on a regular basis know that I have almost Matlockian cravings for hot dogs. My friends also know that I'm pretty egalitarian when it comes to hot dogs. That is, I don't care if it's an eight-pack of $.99 or $5.99 dogs ... I'll put 'em in a bun and top 'em with mustard, chopped onions, peppers and, on occasion, chili meat, and just eat the hell out of 'em.

I have a friend who hails from up north, North New York (aka Upstate) to be exact. As long as I've known him [he agreed to be name-checked as "Yngwie" for our purposes here], he's known how much I like hot dogs. And every time he's ever heard me talk about how much I like Nathan's hot dogs, he's always responded thusly: "Sabrett's are better."

During my first trip to New York, in 2001 -- two weeks before 9/11 incidentally -- I ate at the Nathan's on Coney Island twice. It was during those two visits that I came to the learned culinary decision that Nathan's makes the best hot dogs in the known world. (Hell, my first visit to the Coney Island Nathan's inspired me to purchase a circa-1950 black and white glossy photo of hot dogs being cooked on the Nathan's grill, which hangs in my kitchen to this day.)

Second time I went to New York, in 2006, I ate me my first Sabrett's hot dog -- from a street vendor near Central Park. "A [Sabrett's dog is] pretty good dog," I remember thinkin'. But I also remember thinkin' this: "This [dog] ain't nowhere near as good as a Nathan's dog." Fast forward to today ...

My Yankee friend (he don't mind the "Yankee" moniker) gave me a jar of Sabrett Onions in Sauce as a belated Christmas present. He intimated that he'd had very few hot dogs in his life that weren't slathered with Sabrett's onions-'n'-sauce. Then he said, and I quote, "You probably won't like it, but we'll see."


Let's see ...

I made a special trip to Publix today to pick up a pack of Sabrett hot dogs and some fresh buns. (I got me some fresh wheat buns from Publix's deli.) I boiled two hot dogs as soon as I got home, and then I bunned-'em up. Next, I opened my jar of Sabrett Onions and Sauce and I let it breathe for a bit. Finally, I took a spoon and covered my dogs with sauce; I took hold o' one of my dogs with both hands and took a bite; and I took a mental note of what I was thinking as I swallowed:


This Sabrett's hot dog is pretty darn good good -- not Nathan's good, but pretty darn good; and Sabrett Onions and Sauce tastes suspiciously like Hunt's extra-sweet ketchup that's been infused with sliced onions. (Oh, and then I said, outloud to no one in particular, "Yee-uck!")

I'm of the opinion that no one over the age of 12 should eat a hot dog with ketchup on it. Hell, ketchup is only useful as a dip for fried potatoes and as a base for certain barbecue sauces ... period. Ketchup should never be placed on a sandwich or a hamburger or, especially, a hot dog. Repeat: Ketchup should never be placed on a sandwich or a hamburger or, especially, a hot dog.

Sabrett Onions and Sauce probably would taste good on a fried tortilla -- you know, like salsa. But it don't have no place on no hot dog at no time. Indeed.

I'm sorry, Yngwie.