Bacon makes it better!

In my humble opinion, there ain't a single damn foodstuff that can't be improved with a few strips of bacon -- or a big glob of bacon grease! Check this out:

"Bacon Would Be Delicious On...

"We at AOL Food strive every day and in every way to say 'yes' to bacon in its myriad, munchable forms. From tippling bacon martinis at Las Vegas' Double Down Lounge and evangelizing about Vosges' bacon chocolate bar to candying it and churning up our own bacon ice cream, we've taken bacon in almost every way imaginable. Still, we can always dare to dream..."

Varallo Famous Chili

Yesterday, a co-worker who'd recently overheard me getting all worked up over Varallo's chili gave me this ...



... which I ate for dinner ce soir.

Verdict:

Varallo Famous Foods Chili With Beans is, without a doubt, the finest canned chili I've ever eaten.

Unlike practically every canned chili I've ever consumed, Varallo Famous Chili has visible chunks of tomato in its sauce -- not to mention chunks of ground beef that taste like, well, chunks of ground beef.

Now, Varallo chili is a tad on the salty sice (which is true of most canned foodstuffs). Hit it with a dollop of sour cream, like I did, and you won't know no difference!

SIDEBAR:

I have no idea if Nashville's Varralo-brand chili has any past/present relationship with Nashville's Varallo's restaurant. I'm looking into the matter; and I will fo' sho' give my readers a heads-up when I have more info, indeed.

A Sweet smoke

A little over a month ago, I spied a box of Swisher Sweet Perfecto cigars in a "clearance" shopping cart at a local chain drug store. It seems that the drug store was ridding itself on all non-cigarette tobacco products. I turned the box over and looked at the clearance price: 11 bucks for a box of 50 cigars. It was a deal I simply could not pass up.

If I'd ever smoked a Swisher Sweet cigar prior to purchasing an entire box of 'em, I certainly don't remember it. I do remember, however, that I once worked with a feller who smoked 8-10 Swisher Sweets a day; and I remember him telling me several times that one of the great pleasures of smoking Swisher Sweets was the fact that the cigars are, well, sweet. And so they are.

The first thing you notice when you place a Swisher Sweet cigar in your mouth is the extremely sweet residue on the puffing end. You might expect that said residue would rub off once the cigar was lit and smoked for a while. Wrong. The cigar stays sweet from the first puff until it becomes a stump that must be discarded. When Swisher said Sweet, they meant it.

So, the cigar is sweet. How does it smoke? I won't lie and say that Swisher Sweets are the best tastin' cigars I've ever smoked. They are quite mild, though; and I can honestly say that they are better than some of the "premium" cigars I've smoked in my life -- which tasted like burnt rubber and left a God-awful aftertaste in my mouth that lasted for hours.

Like I said, Swisher Sweet Perfectos aren't the best cigars in the world. They do, however, provide a mild, somewhat flavorful smoke that one can enjoy whilst mowing the yard, taking a stroll, or to calm one's nerves on traffic-choked roads on the way home from work (as I did today -- see above pic).

Swill is swill, fancy ad campaign notwithstanding

Anheuser-Busch can re-market its rice-infused swill 'til the cows come home. I won't be drinkin' it ...

"Anheuser-Busch (NYSE:BUD), noting the growing premium/boutique beer market share, is taking a new tack in its 2008 marketing. It will emphasize the quality of ingredients and brewing techniques in its core brands, Budweiser and Michelob. The strategy is an attempt to give them some of the cachet that has pushed sales of imports, such as those of its equity partners Grupo Modelo and Tsingtao.

"According to the Wall Street Journal (subscription), the company will drop about $30 million on this campaign, while also increasing spending on more of the youth-oriented, humor-infused messages that promote Bud Light.

"BUD is reacting to two challenges: declining/flat sales of its mainstream suds, and the competition posed by the recently announced partnership of SABMiller and Molson Coors (NYSE:TAP) to mutually market their products in the U.S. Anheuser-Busch successfully raised prices on its products in 2007, but I wouldn't expect such a move in 2008, in light of this competition.

"In a campaign designed to elevate public perception of the quality of a brand, the danger lies in also elevating the public perception of the brand's cost. Too often, companies fail to find the right balance that persuades the public that they are getting a bargain, better quality for the same price. Or, in the words of a current Miller High Life campaign I feel is one of the best I've ever seen, 'A tasty beer at a tasty price.'

"In a flat beer market, BUD's increased spending might just be enough to keep from sliding back, not a result likely to bump the stock price from its doldrums of the past 12 months."

Gimme my white bread 'n' mayo, dammit!

An anonymous numbnut on AOL's food blog says there are three secrets to making "the best sandwich ever":

1. Replace white bread with 100 percent whole grain bread. (Tip: Make sure the first ingredient listed is whole wheat flour.)

I like whole grain bread as much as anyone. However, there are some sandwiches that require white bread: bologna and tomato sandwiches come to mind. I have eaten bologna-on-wheat several times when I didn't have any white bread; and after each and every bite, I said the same thing, "Damn, I wish I had some white bread."

2. Substitute the lettuce with spinach and a tomato, adding real nutrition and deep green and red colors between the bread. Don't worry! Most people never notice the difference when nutrient-rich spinach replaces lettuce on burgers, subs and sandwiches. The resulting sandwich provides greater quantities of key nutrients, including vitamin C, vitamin A and folic acid.

Yeah, I know iceberg lettuce has virtually no nutritional value. But can you imagine eating anything other than shredded iceberg lettuce on a big-arse hoagie? If I ever see a guy eating a hoagie with spinach, I'm gonna ask him this question: "Does your husband like spinach on his hoagies, too?"

3. Forget the mayo. Instead, slather the bread with low-fat yogurt or a variety of mustards, including Dijon, coarse-ground, spicy brown and wasabi. Get even more daring and spread some salsa, cranberry sauce, mango chutney or sauerkraut on the bread, all of which add great taste, extra nutrients and no fat.

Any guy who puts cranberry sauce or mango chutney on a sandwich should be kicked square in his BB-sized nurts. 'Nough said.

There is nothing wrong with eating the occasional white-bread sandwich. There's nothing wrong with putting iceberg lettuce on your hoagie or hamburger, if that's what you prefer. And there is nothing - and I mean nothing - wrong with putting a dollop of mayo on your favorite sammich. If you listen to the food fascists, however, doing any one of these things - even if it's only once a week - will make you a fat slob. Balderdash.

Pass me my Duke's, dammit!

UPDATE:

Mr. Jimmy sends us this point-by-point response to AOL's "best sandwich ever" post (his thoughts are in red):

How to Make the Best Sandwich Ever
(then ignore this article)
From the Editors at Netscape

Want to impress the spouse and kids with a sandwich to end all sandwiches, the one they'll beg for every time you walk in the kitchen?
(yeah, I beg for spinach and chutney everywhere I go!)
All it takes are a few "secret" ingredients that not only add zing and zest, but also boost the nutritional value. But sssh! We won't tell them what's in it if you won't.
(ssshiiiiiitttttt! you won't have to)

First step: Get rid of the mayonnaise and lettuce. To turn a plain old meat and cheese sandwich from "blah" to "ah" you need a whole new set of accompaniments.
(second step, make sure you have a decent whisky to wash it down - Jim Beam is good and won't break the bank - 'cause what's following is gonna make you gag. Hows about we get rid of you and keep the mayo and lettuce?)

1. Replace white bread with 100 percent whole grain bread. (Tip: Make sure the first ingredient listed is whole wheat flour.) Whole grain bread is rich in fiber and micronutrients, including folic acid, magnesium, and vitamin E.
(hey, twig-boy, the first ingredient in any good premium white bread is 100 percent wheat flour, unbleached AND unbromated, what a tampon!)

2. Substitute the lettuce with spinach and a tomato, adding real nutrition and deep green and red colors between the bread. Don't worry! Most people never notice the difference when nutrient-rich spinach replaces lettuce on burgers, subs and sandwiches. The resulting sandwich provides greater quantities of key nutrients, including vitamin C, vitamin A and folic acid.
(I trust what you mean, "editors" is substitute lettuce for spinach and add tomato, you aren't substituting anything for tomato; if "most people never notice the difference", how does that take it from "blah to ah"?)

3. Forget the mayo. Instead, slather the bread with low-fat yogurt or a variety of mustards, including Dijon, coarse-ground, spicy brown and wasabi. Get even more daring and spread some salsa, cranberry sauce, mango chutney or sauerkraut on the bread, all of which add great taste, extra nutrients and no fat.
(Forget the mayo?! What, are you some kinda retardo? How does low-fat yogurt "add great taste"? It has NO TASTE. It's purely a filler, you have to add something to it, that's why nobody in their right mind eats plain yogurt by itself, you add fruit or some other food to it. Cranberry sauce is actually good as a condiment but only on a turkey sandwich with mayo! And if you serve your friends and guests a sandwich with coarse mustard and chutney as dressings you are going to 1)have a lot of leftovers, 2)have few friends, and possibly 3)be wearing what you serve.)
But beware! As you get creative with sandwich condiments, choose items that won't add empty calories. "Healthy condiments can be used by everyone, whether for plain food or gourmet, carnivore or vegetarian," Fitch-Hilgenberg said. "The condiments we choose are only limited by our imagination."
(Beware? Finally some truth! Empty calories, what, like mustard and chutney and cranberry sauce? They're all empty calories! Mostly sugars and vinegar. Do you even read the labels? And this - "The condiments we choose are only limited by our imagination." You have no imagination if your idea of a good sandwich is tofu with coarse brown mustard, yogurt and spinach. Try this on for size: Premium white bread from Great Harvest Breads, a few slices of home-grown tomatoes, a little salt & pepper, Duke's Mayo. Add some Melinda's Hot Sauce if desired (Habanero if you pee standing up). I challenge anyone to make a better wholesome, satisfying sandwich using the advice (sic) in this article.)

Feast your eyes upon Joltin' Django's mac-and-cheese

As promised, here're a couple of pictures of Joltin' Django's Thanksgiving mac-and-cheese:



If you stop by Chez Joltin' Django today, don't expect no left-over macaroni and cheese. It was all - and I mean all - gone by 3 p.m. yesterday. If that ain't a tribute to my mac-and-cheese, I don't know what is!

Pour me a pint, mate

Ever wondered what you'd pay for a pint o' Guinness in a bar on the other side of the globe?

A chart in yesterday's Wall Street Journal lists the price, averaged and converted to the nearest U.S. dollar, for a pint of the Good Stuff in:

Sydney, $3.84
New York, 4.67
Jakarta, 5.90
Hong Kong, 6.21
Bangkok, 6.25
Kuala Lumpur, 6.35
Dublin, 6.49
London, 6.57
Brussels, 7.11
Frankfurt, 7.11
Rome, 8.15
Tokyo, 8.47
Shanghai, 8.98
Paris, 9.63
Singapore, 9.66
Manilla, 9.99
Seoul, 14.99

This Thanksgiving, [blank] the food fascists

[Editor's note: This article is also posted at my political blog, The Nigh Seen Creeder.]

In addition to Thanksgiving Day itself, there are quite a few certainties during Thanksgiving Week: falling leaves, 14-pound day after Thanksgiving newspapers, Christmas commercials, football games featuring the Dallas Cowboys and Detroit Lions, and "very special" holiday-themed movies on Lifetime.

Something else we can count on 'round Thanksgiving are bevies of "experts" coming out of the woodwork to tell us how much/what we should eat when turkey-time arrives. They say, "Don't overdo it" ... "Substitute [this] for [that]" ... "Avoid [this] entirely." If and when I ever come face to face with one of these food fascists, this is what I'll tell him or her:

Give me a blankin' break, you blankety-blank.

In the United States, there are two holidays during which food plays an important - nay, integral - part: Thanksgiving and Christmas. (While it's not an official holiday, I guess you could add Super Bowl Sunday to the list; but that day is known as much, if not more, for drinkin' than it is for eatin'.) Not only is food itself an integral part of these holidays, there are certain foodstuffs that are associated with 'em as well:

Turkey, giblet gravy, dressing, mashed taters, ham, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, rolls as big as your head, pumpkin pie, and assorted candies, cakes, wines and cheeses. We don't have a constitutional right to these things on Thanksgiving and Christmas, but we sure as hell should.

Which brings me back to the food fascists. This past weekend, MSNBC re-posted an AP story from 2004 in which an anonymous author made the following statement vis-à-vis Thanksgiving:

"[Here's] what your plate should look like: a serving of turkey no larger than a deck of playing cards and half a cup each of two starches. (A half-cup is about the size of a computer mouse.)

"And that’s being generous."

The above-mentioned article also features this little chart:

● Try eating a little of everything, but that means just a few bites.

● Eat only the unique foods. Mashed potatoes and turkey may be traditional, but they also are easily had any day of the week. Instead, use those calories for ... more seasonal items.

● Fill up on salad and vegetables before heading for the turkey and candied sweet potatoes. Then if you are still hungry, hit the vegetables again after the turkey to reduce the amount of dessert you eat.

● Visualize your stomach; it’s about the size of two fists. If the food on your plate won’t fit, cut back.

Slices of turkey no bigger than a deck of cards?! A half-cup of dressing?! No mashed taters?! Salad?! See what I mean about wantin' a blankin' break?

Look, I'm a big boy. I don't need anyone - anonymous online "experts" included - to tell me what to eat and/or how much to eat during the holidays. I'll admit, I usually eat too much on Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day, as well as each day after (them left-overs gotta go somewhere). I'm smart enough to know, however, that if I engage in a two-day pig-out twice a year, I'm not going to freakin' die as a result; and I know that I'm not going to contract diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, herpes, HIV, etc. if, at one sitting, I eat enough turkey breast to fill my 7 3/8-size Brooklyn Cyclones hat.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: when a man's gotta eat, a man's gotta eat ... especially at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I don't need no busybody, know-it-all food fascist to instruct me otherwise.

Pass the gravy ...

How a man who's gotta eat makes mac-and-cheese

The "Living" section in yesterday's Tennessean featured a recipe for macaroni and cheese, Martha Stewart-style. I just about choked when I gave it the ol' look-see.

The caption above Martha's mac-and-cheese recipe said "Recipe Of The Day." As far as I'm concerned, it should've said "Recipe That Should Never Again See The Light Of Day." I mean, as much as I like nutmeg, Gruyere cheese, and cubes of white bread, I would never - and I mean never - put such in a dish of homemade mac-and-cheese.

As a service to my readers, I'm posting my recipe for macaroni and cheese. I hate to toot my own horn, but it's a damn-fine recipe (TOOT!). In fact, my father has already put in a Thanksgiving Day request for Joltin' Django's mac-and-cheese.

I'll post a picture of my just-outta-the-oven macaroni and cheese on Friday. Stay tuned.

Joltin' Django's Macaroni and Cheese

Ingredients

1 lb elbow macaroni
6-8 cups cold water
1/4 stick butter
12 ounces Velveeta cheese, cubed (DO NOT use light or 2 percent)
1 1/2 cups WHOLE milk (see previous post)
4 cups mild cheddar cheese, shredded
Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Directions

Bring lightly salted water to a boil in a large pot. Add macaroni, bring water back to a boil, then reduce heat to medium-high. Simmer macaroni until very tender (12-15 minutes). Remove pot from stove and drain.

Return macaroni to pot. Add butter, Velveeta cheese, one cup of cheddar cheese, milk and A LOT (at least one heaping tablespoon) of black pepper. Mix until no large lumps of cheese remain.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Pour macaroni mixture into a deep baking dish. Top with remaining cheddar cheese. Place dish in oven and bake for 20 minutes, or until cheese on top is completely melted and smooth. Place oven on broil and allow cheese to turn golden brown (should take no longer than 2-3 minutes). Remove dish from oven and allow mac-and-cheese to cool for 10 minutes before serving.

Ain't no taters like mashed taters ('cept for tater pancakes)

When it comes to taters, I like mine mashed -- just like Bobby Hill ("Spoons! Can I assume the potatoes will be mashed tonight?").

Whenever I make mashed potatoes (recipe follows), I always - and I mean always - make more than I and my friends/family can eat during one meal. Why? 'Cause with left-over mashed potatoes, a feller can make potato pancakes ... my second-favorite way to eat taters.

Last night I made a big-arse pot of mashed taters to eat with some homemade meatloaf. Tonight, I'm makin' potato pancakes (I'm including that recipe, too). If you're in the neighborhood, be sure to stop by. You will NOT be hungry when you leave ma maison. Gar-un-damn-teed!

Joltin' Django's Mashed Potatoes

Ingredients

5-6 large Idaho potatoes
1/2 stick butter (salted or unsalted)
1 1/2 cups WHOLE milk (use skim or 2 percent milk and you'll get a beatin')
1 tablespoon salt (divided in half)
Freshly ground black pepper

Directions

Peel and quarter potatoes. Place in pot and cover with water. Add 1/2 tablespoon salt. Bring potatoes to a boil. Cover and reduce to a brisk simmer. Cook potatoes until fork tender (15-20 minutes).

Drain potatoes and return to pot. Hand mash (men who gotta eat DON'T use mixers) potatoes until no lumps remain. Add butter, milk, remaining salt, and A LOT of black pepper. Stir potatoes with a large mixing spoon until all ingredients are thoroughly incorporated. Serve immediately.

Joltin' Django's Potato Pancakes

Ingredients

3-4 cups leftover mashed potatoes
1/4 cup all purpose flour
1 egg
Splash of WHOLE milk (see previous recipe)
Vegetable oil
Sour cream

Directions

Mix potatoes, flour, egg and milk in a large bowl. Set aside.

Pour enough oil in a heavy-bottomed skillet to reach the first joint on your middle finger. Heat oil over medium heat. When a small flake of the potato mixture will sizzle, the oil is ready.

With a large serving spoon, scoop up a heaping portion of the potato mixture. Place in oil and flatten with the back of the spoon (pancakes should be about a quarter-inch thick). Cook until one side is golden brown, about 3-4 minutes, flip and repeat on other side. You should be able to cook 4 or 5 pancakes per batch.

Serve each pancake with a hefty dollop of sour cream.

Shoney's is back, baby

Before my grandmother entered a nursing home, my mother and I often took her to our local Shoney's after church on Sundays. I was never a big Shoney's fan, but my sainted Granny Ruby absolutely loved the Shoney's Breakfast Bar.

From 1997-2002, I reckon that I ate at Shoney's well over 200 times -- no kidding. During that period, the quality of most of the food served there declined precipitously. The dining room's floor was often dirty, and the bathroom floor was even more dirty. And if the entire staff of servers had been replaced by monkeys, customers probably would've enjoyed better service.

When my grandmother could no longer get out and about, I vowed that I would never, ever go back to Shoney's -- unless I was starving to death and that was the only place in which I could find nourishment.

Well, I broke my vow. Last month, my mother and I went to Shoney's after visiting the Nashville Flea Market. I ordered a cheeseburger and fries, and let's just say - I'm borrowing a line from Pulp Fiction here - it was a very tasty burger. The fries weren't bad, either. What impressed me the most, however, was the fact that the restaurant (the same one I used to visit with my grandmother) had been spiffed-up since the last time I'd dined there, and both the dining room and the bathrooms were clean. Upon leaving the restaurant I made a new vow:

Whenever I have a hankering for a quick, cheap, quality hamburger, I'm going to Shoney's.

Be sure to check out the profile of Shoney's, Inc.'s new owner in this morning's Tennessean. A sample:

"The Nashville-based res taurant chain's new owner, CEO and Chairman David Davoudpour, said he is determined to bring the brand back. Since he acquired the company in January, Davoudpour has taken over several underperforming franchise locations and turned them into company-owned restaurants. He has vowed to use fresh — not frozen — meat and fruit products and try to improve service through spot checks of stores and better employee training.

"'We want every restaurant to shine,' Davoudpour said. 'Basically, I want to be the model of excellence.'"

Don't want no stinkin' ham soda

I love latkes, and I love ham. But I don't want no latke and/or ham soda:

"Coming soon next to the Coke and Pepsi in a store near you: ham-and latke-flavored soda to make your holiday feast complete.

"It even will be kosher, the company making it says -- including the ham.

"Jones Soda Co., the Seattle-based purveyor of offbeat fizzy water, is selling holiday-themed limited-edition packs of flavored sodas.

"The Christmas pack will feature such flavors as Sugar Plum, Christmas Tree, Egg Nog and Christmas Ham. The Hanukkah pack will have Jelly Doughnut, Apple Sauce, Chocolate Coins and Latkes sodas.

"'As always, both packs are kosher and contain zero caffeine,' Jones said in a statement.

"The packs will go on sale Sunday, with a portion of the proceeds to be given to charity, the company said."

What the world's crappiest pizza costs 'round the world

In case you've ever wondered how much you'll be paying if you order a pepperoni pizza from Pizza Hut in various villes around the world ...

A small chart in yesterday's Wall Street Journal - page D3, subscription required to view complete chart - provided the price for one large Pizza Hut pan-crust pizza with pepperoni, averaged and converted to the nearest U.S. dollar, in the following cities:

Manilla, $6.58
Jakarta, 7.95
Sydney, 8.93
Bangkok, 10.74
Shanghai, 13.81
Singapore, 15.46
Tokyo, 17.99
Seoul, 18.39
Brussels, 20.81
London, 27.89
Paris, 27.60

I gotta tell you, any American who travels to France and visits a Pizza Hut - nay, any American who travels to France, visits Pizza Hut, and pays $27 for a pizza therein - should be slapped three times and have his or her nether region stuffed with les hors d'oeuvres escargots de Bourgogne.

Fine phở in South Nashville (update)

Don't know why, but I couldn't get a pic to attach to last week's "let's-hear-it-for-phở" post. I'm posting the "phở" review, with picture, again; and I urge anyone reading this to head to King Market at his/her earliest opportunity. (Hell, I had me a big-arse bowl of King Market phở just today! My fourth in two weeks!)

Check this out ...

A new Asian grocery/café, King Market, recently opened about a half-mile from my place of business. I've had lunch at the King Market three times during the past week; and I've enjoyed - and I do mean enjoyed - the same dish each time my legs have been thrust under one of the King Market's tables. (If that ain't a Man's Gotta Eat Tribute, I don't know what is!) What's so great about King Market? Well, here 'tis:

One of my very favorite ethnic dishes is pho soup. King Market's pho is the above-mentioned "same dish."

What's phở, you ask? From Wikipedia:

"Phở (pronounced "fuh") is a traditional Vietnamese noodle soup dish. ...

"Phở is served as a bowl of white rice noodles in clear beef broth, with thin cuts of beef. ...

"The dish is garnished with ingredients such as green onions, white onions, coriander leaves (cilantro), ngò gai (culantro, or long coriander), Thai basil, lemon or lime, and bean sprouts. The last five items are usually provided on a separate plate, which allows customers to adjust the soup's flavor as they like. Some sauces such as hoisin sauce, fish sauce, and the Thai hot sauce, Sriracha, are popular additions as well."

I don't want to sound like an Asian soup-eating schoolgirl here, but the King Market's phở makes my taste buds tingle in such a way that I just want to get on the phone to tell someone 'bout it. It is that good, I tell you what (apologies to Hank Hill). Here's why, in bullet-form:

● One fine clear, beef-infused broth
● A good helping of slivered onions
● A fist-full of perfectly cooked rice noodles
● At least 8 ounces of sliced flank beef
● 2-3 quartered meatballs
● Enough basil and green onions to make a person appreciate the hell out of basil and green onions
● A very large plate of extra basil, red chilies, and bean sprouts (with which a feller can garnish his soup)

Sounds good, don't it?

Six bucks will get a man who's gotta eat a 3/4-gallon bowl of King Market phở. Any small-stomached, needin' to eat man who visits King Market toting a small appetite will leave with plenty of left-overs, indeed.

I'm going back to King Market for a bowl of phở tomorrow. To borrow a line from Andy Griffith, if that ain't a tribute to King Market's phở, I don't know what is!

King Market Asian Grocery Lao/Thai Café
1801 Antioch Pike
Nashville, TN 37211

Don't bet 'gainst the (wine) box!

There are a lot of wine-drinkers who eschew boxed wine like the plague. I'm friends with some of these folks, and I can only hope that they'll check this out ...

Boxed wines ain't just for the cheap-assed these days. Indeed, there are a bunch of high quality/exclusive wines that can only be purchased in boxes. To wit:

"Boxed wines of the past had a deservedly bad rap, but new packaging techniques have enticed makers of excellent vino to get juiced about wine boxes. We sipped and swirled over a dozen of 'em, so keep clicking to get our top picks (and a list of ones to skip) and one heck of a lot of reasons why we think great boxed wine is the wave of the future."

Read the rest here.

Update: A regular Creeder Reader (SD), who asked to remain anonymous, says that she only buys wines in boxes. Good for her. Stick it to the Wine Snob Man!

Haricots rouges et riz à ma maison

When cold winds start to blow, there's nothing I like to make - and, more importantly, eat - than a big pot o' well-seasoned red beans.

Here's what'll soon be cookin' at ma maison:

Joltin' Django's Red Beans & Rice

Ingredients

1.5 lbs red kidney beans
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 large bell pepper (diced)
1 large white onion (chopped)
1 clove garlic, minced
2-3 heaping tablespoons Luzianne Cajun Seasoning
1 lb andouille sausage (sliced into quarter-inch cubes)
Salt and pepper to taste

Directions

Soak beans in large heavy-bottomed pot for 6-8 hours. Strain beans and wash in cold water. Set beans aside.

Place pot on stove and heat for 5 minutes on medium head. Add olive oil, bell pepper, and onion, saute until onions are clear. Add garlic and saute for 10-15 seconds. Remove pot from heat.

Pour beans into pot and cover with water. Add Cajun seasoning, salt and pepper and stir well. Place pot on stove and bring beans to a boil. Cover and reduce heat to a slow simmer. Cook for one hour.

Add sausage to beans and add more Cajun seasoning if needed. Cover pot and cook - again, on slow simmer - for 2 1/2-3 hours.

Serve beans over white rice (I prefer Zatarain's), with healthy dashes of your favorite hot sauce.

Classic A Man's Gotta Eat

Over at Nigh Seen Creeder, I told folks that I'm suffering with a nasal passage-burning infection of some sort. Hopefully, I'll be back posting original stuff tomorrow. In the meantime, check out this classic A Man's Gotta Eat post:

Duke's Mayo Rules!


Sometime during Summer 2001, I spied Duke's-brand mayonnaise in a Nashville-area Albertson's grocery store (Albertson's is no longer doing business in Tennessee). I remember thinking, "I've never seen that before," and I moved on to look for whatever I was looking for on the mayo 'n' sich aisle.

Not two weeks later, a co-worker and I were having a conversation about homegrown tomatoes. Said co-worker told me that he loved tomato sandwiches with black pepper and -- Duke's mayo! "What's so great about Duke's?" I asked. My Duke's-loving ami said, and I'm paraphrasing, "It's the best *@#&$! mayonnaise on the !$&#@* planet!"

Having great confidence in my co-worker's tastes, I purchased a small jar of Duke's when next I found myself in Albertson's. It took me a good two weeks to do so, but I finally placed a dollop of Duke's on a sandwich I'd toted to work. As soon as my tongue was introduced to Duke's mayo, I said to myself, "Duke's IS the best *@#&$! mayonnaise on the !$&#@* planet!" Hell, I may've even said such out loud.

At this point, I'm sure men who've gotta eat wanna know what's so all-fired great about Duke's Mayonnaise. Well, I'll tell you:

Most store-bought mayos have a common problem: a tangy, vinegary taste that overwhelms foodstuffs on which or in which they've been placed. Duke's mayo ain't like that. Indeed, Duke's has a rich, creamy flavor with not a hint of "tang"; and Duke's enhances flavors in much the same way as heavy cream enhances sauces. That is, Duke's incorporates into foods, instead of being something that garnishes food.

I have six years of Duke's-eatin' experience under, er, over my belt; and I reckon that I've placed Duke's on many dozens of sandwiches and in dozens of bowls of tater salad. Thus, I consider myself a Duke's expert -- and then some. Believe me when I say (and I say it a lot):

Duke's ... is ... the ... best ... mayo ... ever! And it's Southern-made, to boot!

(In Nashville, look for Duke's mayo at your local Publix or Food Lion.)

Fine phở in South Nashville

A new Asian grocery/café, King Market, recently opened about a half-mile from my place of business. I've had lunch at the King Market three times during the past week; and I've enjoyed - and I do mean enjoyed - the same dish each time my legs have been thrust under one of the King Market's tables. (If that ain't a Man's Gotta Eat Tribute, I don't know what is!) What's so great about King Market? Well, here 'tis:

One of my very favorite ethnic dishes is pho soup. King Market's pho is the above-mentioned "same dish."

What's phở, you ask? From Wikipedia:

"Phở (pronounced "fuh") is a traditional Vietnamese noodle soup dish. ...

"Phở is served as a bowl of white rice noodles in clear beef broth, with thin cuts of beef. ...

"The dish is garnished with ingredients such as green onions, white onions, coriander leaves (cilantro), ngò gai (culantro, or long coriander), Thai basil, lemon or lime, and bean sprouts. The last five items are usually provided on a separate plate, which allows customers to adjust the soup's flavor as they like. Some sauces such as hoisin sauce, fish sauce, and the Thai hot sauce, Sriracha, are popular additions as well."

I don't want to sound like an Asian soup-eating schoolgirl here, but the King Market's phở makes my taste buds tingle in such a way that I just want to get on the phone to tell someone 'bout it. It is that good, I tell you what (apologies to Hank Hill). Here's why, in bullet-form:

● One fine clear, beef-infused broth
● A good helping of slivered onions
● A fist-full of perfectly cooked rice noodles
● At least 8 ounces of sliced flank beef
● 2-3 quartered meatballs
● Enough basil and green onions to make a person appreciate the hell out of basil and green onions
● A very large plate of extra basil, red chilies, and bean sprouts (with which a feller can garnish his soup)

Sounds good, don't it?

Six bucks will get a man who's gotta eat a 3/4-gallon bowl of King Market phở. Any small-stomached, needin' to eat man who visits King Market toting a small appetite will leave with plenty of left-overs, indeed.

I'm going back to King Market for a bowl of phở tomorrow. To borrow a line from Andy Griffith, if that ain't a tribute to King Market's phở, I don't know what is!

King Market Asian Grocery Lao/Thai Café
1801 Antioch Pike
Nashville, TN 37211

водочка!

Ever since my drinkin' career began - which, I'm not proud to say, began when I was 17-years-old - I've never really had a taste for vodka, or any clear liquor for that matter.

I've sipped my fair share of vodka over the years, usually from a good friend's supply of Grey Goose, but I just can't seem acquire a taste for something that looks and smells - to me, anyway - a little too much like rubbing alcohol.

That said, I was enjoying a draft beer in a local tavern a few weeks back when I overheard a feller talking about how much he enjoys Saaga 1763-brand vodka. He said, and I quote, "[Saaga] does not burn your tongue like other vodkas." He added, and this ain't a direct quote, "[Saaga] has a refined, spicy[!] taste that you often find in a premium Scotch."

I found the following pro-Saaga blog entry, which seem to confirm the sentiments of my two-barstools-down ami. If you like vodka, you'll find this interesting I'm sure:

"Saaga 1763 Vodka is 40% abv. / 80 proof and created by Master Distiller Arno Narro who recreates the original style of vodka distilled in ancient Estonian manors for hundreds of years. The vodka is made from 90% heirloom Estonian Rye and 10% Tristo summer wheat, which are harvested at the optimum time, carefully sorted , and dried with care. Rye is the Estonian national grain and they have been cultivating it since the 1100's. The rye used in Saaga, actually a blend of two rye's- Tulvi and Vambo, are both not just heirloom rye's, but ancient ones that can be tracked back to when rye first started being cultivated in Estonia, after it had made its way from Asia Minor. These aren't your vapid modern rye's like Matador or Picasso, but flavor packed, spicy, and earthy. ...

"The aroma is exceptionally clean, one of the cleanest smelling vodkas I have yet encountered, with a hint of spice and the essence of rye grains to it. As it opened up after a few minutes in my glass there followed the barest trace of sweet fruit and floral notes. Is is very pleasant on the nose and I enjoyed taking many deep breathes, feeling that it was cleansing me. I know it relaxed me, whether from some aroma-therapeutic ability, or from the alcohol fumes, I know not. I just enjoyed it.

"The taste is clean as well, with a different character than most vodka. Sharp on the tongue and tingling to the lips with a silky, smooth feel to it. It has some interesting spicy notes that immediately made me want to take another sip. Drunk straight out of a snifter at room temperature it was excellent. Chilled shots sipped with dinner were even more so. But on the rocks with a splash of water it was really enjoyable as a floral sweetness joined the clean spiciness. If you like very clean and crisp, premium vodka, then I highly recommend Saaga 1763."

Praise be to a Southern staple

If you live in the South, you know that there's only one acceptable way to drink tea: long-brewed with enough sugar to make your wisdom teeth ache.

Don't force no hot tea/green tea/organic tea/English tea horse**** on my person. Just gimme this:

"Sweet Tea is a staple of restaurants and homes across the Southeastern United States; so prevalent that a guest has to specifically request 'unsweet' in order to get a brew that won't instantly candy their molars, and enough of a cultural institution that several Representatives in Georgia presented House Bill 819 requiring all food service establishments to serve it. Sure, it was quickly revealed as an April Fools Day prank, but it bespoke the region's reverence for the 'champagne of the South.'"

Enjoyin' the Emerald Isle by way of A-town

Regular Creeder Readers will recall that I spent the past weekend in Atltanta, Georgia (Stone Mountain, to be specific). Saturday night, the friends I was visiting and I had dinner at Fadó Irish Pub and Restaurant, in Buckhead.

Boy howdy, it was good!

First of all, I appreciate the hell out of any restaurant that has Harp Lager on tap. I enjoyed several - and I mean several - pints-plus of Harp at Fadó's. What do I mean by pints-plus? Well, the glasses in which Fadó serves its "pints" hold more than a pint of liquid. I've consumed my share of pint-glasses o' beer over the years, and I know when I'm getting more than I asked for, indeed.

Fadó's food impressed the hell out of me as well. As much as I hate chain restaurants, I must admit that the folks who "run" Fadó have crafted a first-class menu, and then some.

My entrée at Fadó was corned beef and cabbage. Wait, lemme tell you:

I am a certified cabbage freak. I love the looks-like-lettuce stuff. Hell, I even love to smell cabbage when it's cooking (told you I was a freak). Whenever I see cabbage on a restaurant menu, I know immediately what I'm gonna order.

That said, I thoroughly enjoyed Fadó's corned beef and cabbage:

The corned beef had been expertly cooked (a corned beef brisket can be ****ed-up faster than you can say, well, corned beef brisket), meaning it was served in firm slices and was incredibly juicy; and the cabbage was perfectly cooked - i.e., not mushy - and seasoned with just enough salt, pepper, and spices.

If friends hadn't taken me to Fadó, I would've never, ever considered darkening its door. You see, I avoid chain restaurants like the plague ... especially when I'm traveling.

Next time I find myself in a city with a Fadó Irish Pub, I'm gonna have a hard time resisting the urge to visit a hole-in-the wall deli, BBQ joint, or pizza parlor. Yes, Fadó's that good. Check it out when you get a chance ...

Red, red wine headache

I love red wine. However, if I drink more than, oh, a glass and a half of most red wines, I'm almost guaranteed to have a skull-splitting headache the following morning. Looks like I may be able to enjoy more red wine in the very near future:

"Chemists working with NASA-funded technology designed to find life on Mars have created a device they say can easily detect chemicals that many scientists believe can turn wine and other beloved indulgences into ingredients for agony.

"The chemicals, called biogenic amines, occur naturally in a wide variety of aged, pickled and fermented foods prized by gourmet palates, including wine, chocolate, cheese, olives, nuts and cured meats.

"'The food you eat is so unbelievably coupled with your body's chemistry,' said Richard Mathies, who described his new technology in an article published Thursday in the journal Analytical Chemistry.

"Scientists have nominated several culprits for 'red wine headache,' including amines like tyramine and histamine, though no conclusions have been reached. Still, many specialists warn headache sufferers away from foods rich in amines, which can also trigger sudden episodes of high blood pressure, heart palpitations and elevated adrenaline levels. ...

"Mathies suggests the device could be used to put amine levels on wine labels.

"'We're aware of the consumer demand for information. But that has to be tempered by the manner in which wine is made,' said Wendell Lee, general counsel for the Wine Institute, a California industry trade group.

The chili effect

Don't let nobody ever tell you that eatin' hot peppers/drinkin' hot sauce ain't good for you! To wit:

"Doctors are dripping the chemical that gives chili peppers their fire directly into open wounds during knee replacement and a few other highly painful operations. ...

"How could something searing possibly soothe? Bite a hot pepper, and after the burn your tongue goes numb. The hope is that bathing surgically exposed nerves in a high enough dose will numb them for weeks, so that patients suffer less pain and require fewer narcotic painkillers as they heal. ...

"Chili peppers have been part of folk remedy for centuries, and heat-inducing capsaicin creams are a drugstore staple for aching muscles. But today the spice is hot because of research showing capsaicin targets key pain-sensing cells in a unique way.

"California-based Anesiva Inc.'s operating-room experiments aren't the only attempt to harness that burn for more focused pain relief. Harvard University researchers are mixing capsaicin with another anesthetic in hopes of developing epidurals that wouldn't confine women to bed during childbirth, or dental injections that don't numb the whole mouth.

"And at the National Institutes of Health, scientists hope early next year to begin testing in advanced cancer patients a capsaicin cousin that is 1,000 times more potent, to see if it can zap their intractable pain.

"Nerve cells that sense a type of long-term throbbing pain bear a receptor, or gate, called TRPV1. Capsaicin binds to that receptor and opens it to enter only those pain fibers — and not other nerves responsible for other kinds of pain or other functions such as movement.

"These so-called C neurons also sense heat; thus capsaicin's burn. But when TRPV1 opens, it lets extra calcium inside the cells until the nerves become overloaded and shut down. That's the numbness."

Read the rest here.